Having your 6yo drag you out of the proverbial closet

I had a huge panic attack last night. Michiru, being the angel that she is, stayed up and helped me calm down. She held my hand until it passed. Lucky for Hotaru, the kid didn’t notice a thing. I would have hated lying to her and her therapist Helga-san insists she isn’t to be told about Leo’s passing yet, so it would have been inconvenient. I want Hotaru to be happy. I don’t want her to feel the pain and heartache I’m going through.

What made me sad was decorating the Christmas Tree. Mom bought one for us since she couldn’t find hers. Hotaru was beyond thrilled and so was I for the first time in my life, as I’ve never cared one bit about putting the thing together, but this year… I don’t know…

Last year we all decorated it as a family, with Leo and mom and Hotaru… and now he’s gone. That hit me bad and I was super sad, which eventually became a trigger. I still had insane fun decorating the tree with Hotaru and Michiru (mom was too exhausted and left after dinner).

I was still shaken when I woke up this morning, so I just sat on the couch for a while, feeling the slightest thing would cause me another anxiety attack. Looking for a possible solution, I sunbathed at the balcony for a few minutes, thinking perhaps day light would help. They say people in countries with little sunlight are more likely to get depressed so, perhaps, the opposite was true and the light would cheer me up.

It kinda did, so Hotaru and I packed some snacks and headed for the park for a picnic. We spent the entire day at the park. It was quiet and just what I needed. We laid our plastic on the grass and took out my book and her art supplies. I tried to read while she painted some Disney princesses, but she would talk all the time so I gave up. Instead, I lay on my back using the book as a pillow and stared at the sky. Looking at the clouds roll by slowly and the tree canopies dancing in the breeze was just what I needed. It recharged my batteries completely.

When I was a bit more recovered and Hotaru was done with both her lunch and her coloring, we switched to Japanese. I taught her Koko/Soko/Asoko and we practiced her long objects counter (ippon, nihon, sanbon…) and even made a video of her counting her color pencils. We also practiced all the body parts she already knows and added a few new ones to expand her horizons.

After that, we drew fruits and veggies and wrote their names in Hiragana, then we played Shiritori on our way home. It was such a great day that at the park that the dread was completely forgotten by the time we got home (it was like 8pm by then!).

Hotaru took a nap while I made dinner, then I took a nap while the kid was on the phone with Chibi Usa, talking about their Christmas Trees and My Little Pony. When she hung up, we worked on a birthday card for Michiru. She’s turning thirty on Friday ^^

After that, Hotaru and I tried to bake gluten free Christmas Bread for Chibi Usa and Odango Atama, but it was an epic fail… well… not so much. It turned out to be a really yummy pudding. But it certainly doesn’t look like any sort of bread. Gluten free cooking is SOOOOOO frustrating. I’ve always been a very intuitive cook. I can whisk together a few ingredients in eye measured proportions and always have a delicious result that looks and tastes exactly as planned…

Well, looks like my ability to measure things and guess how the different proportions affect the final result has A LOT to do with gluten and how it chemically and physically affects dough and batter… Which is very frustrating. I love cooking intuitively as much as I hate following recipes. Seriously. I can’t follow a recipe to save my life. I. NEED. TO. REBEL. Always have and always will. This only means I’ll have to experiment with gluten free flour a lot more.

After our failed baking (which was a good opportunity to teach the kid how to fail and not care about it), Hotaru and I listened to an old bedtime stories collection I used to play before bedtime as a kid. My mom worked a lot so she seldom had the time for bedtime stories. Instead, she bought me a set of books that came with cassette tapes, where a man and a woman took turns reading the stories out loud.

Hotaru absolutely loved them. Especially the ones about Gobolino, the witch’s cat. I used to love his stories. They were my very favorite from all the recorded stories. I read a couple of them to her myself, but my throat has been sore this week so I apologized and kept playing the recordings instead. She was very understanding. I still recited some parts of the story over the cassette, because they were my favorite and it was very nostalgic.

The kid drew a kitty flying on a broom and wrote Gobolino under it and said those stories were her favorite and then made a tiny heart with her hands. We also listened to Rapunzel, The Beauty and the Beast, The Shoe Maker and the Elves and another couple of stories. We spent like two hours listening to those old stories. It was so wonderful to hear them again and share them with the kid ❤ ❤ ❤

Oh, I forgot to mention this but, as we worked on the Christmas Bread, Hotaru and I were singing an old nursery rhyme about a girl who wants to get married. At one point, Hotaru stopped and looked at me with a smug smile. Then, she said “I know whom you want to get married to.” “Who?” I asked. And she said: “Michiru.”

I was mildly surprised, because this is not the first time that she brings this up.

“What makes you think that?” I asked.

“Well, you’re Haruka-papa and if you married her, then she’d be Michiru-mama for real and I’d have two mothers.” She said with a huge grin. I was two inches away from pinching myself. It felt so surreal. I keep on thinking that kids would hate to have two mothers or fathers because other people might bully them… or that no kid wants their parent to get married to someone else, even though I know that Hotaru loves Michiru and that she is ok with gay people.

“Wouldn’t you hate that?” I asked. “Having two mothers.”

Hotaru looked at me like I was a two headed alien and said: “No. Why would I? I adore Michiru and she’s polite and fun.”

“Even though she keeps on telling you off whenever you misbehave or forget to brush your teeth?” I asked.

Hotaru snorted. “Of course!” The kid can be sassy sometimes. I usually discourage it but I secretly love it when she gives me a little attitude, as long as it’s a harmless situation like this.

“And you’re sure you don’t mind us being gay?”

She rolled her eyes and pointed at me with a batter coated spoon.

“I LOVE you guys being gay!” Hotaru said with a grin, as she jumped up (I was starting to fear she’d spill the batter at this point). “Because that way I can have two moms and you’ll both love me.” She said. Not that we don’t love her currently, mind you. “Wouldn’t you like to marry Michiru?” She asked with a worried frown.

I was out of words for a moment. I knew the answer, but I didn’t know whether it was the time to talk about that. Then again, I felt it was and I’d rather go with the flow and follow my intuition than thinking things over like a pragmatic person. When I try to be someone I’m not, it often ends in disaster.

“Yes. I’m kind of in love with her.” I confessed. She gasped in a Fluffle Puff impersonation and jumped up and down in elation again (so I took the batter bowl from her hands and placed it on the counter).

“Then you DEFINITELY must marry her!”

“Eventually… but, are you sure you wouldn’t mind her moving in with us? Because if I married her, she’d have to move in here.” I explained.

Hotaru snorted again.

“Of course I don’t mind. I love having Michiru around. I adore her!”

“Why?”

“Because she’s the best and she can turn into a dog!” (that’s an inside joke I don’t feel like explaining right now but it was cute of her to bring it up).

“All right.” I said. “I’ll probably ask her to marry me… in time. But I want you to know that if you ever feel she does or says something that upsets you or whatever, you come straight to me. You’re my daughter before anything else and you’ll always come first.” I promised and she gave me a bear hug.

I showed her the engagement ring and had her swear to keep the secret until I decided it was the right time to propose. She was beyond excited and gasped when she saw it, then whispered “it’s beautiful…”

Then she refocused on the batter and that was that but I think it was very sweet. She’s the sweetest. If I were to read this I’d think someone was writing a very boring piece of fiction where all the Mary Sues act just as one would dream they would… Looks like I’m doing something right raising this kid. Not only she doesn’t ask me to buy her stuff whenever we go out, but she’s also pro gay marriage and gets along wonderfully with my girlfriend. I’m so lucky to have this great people in my life.

Mom has been super supportive to me, too. Not only in general, but today in particular. We had a long talk over the phone about my panic attack. My aunt was just as supportive and kept me company through whatsapp when I needed it.

Oh, another funny thing that happened today… I confessed to mom that I’m absolutely clueless as to what to get Michiru for her birthday… and she gave me a few suggestions! It was positively surreal. I mean, my mom, who didn’t want to hear anything about me being gay had Michiru and us over for lunch last weekend and now she not only gives me birthday present ideas, but she even said that we should bring Michiru along with us when we take the architect over to the new house so he can help us plan the remodeling… I was like WOW. And, the other day, when I talked to her about Michiru moving in, she said that life was meant to be enjoyed and that she’s happy I’m getting a chance to do the things I’ve always dreamed of. ❤ Man, I love my mom ❤

Also wrote to my therapist. She will get back to work next week but after hearing of how anxious I’ve been lately, she suggested I started on clonazepam again. I was completely against it so she said she wanted me to talk with a psychiatrist to have her decide whether or not I should go back on those meds. I agreed but I plan on making it crystal clear that I don’t have the slight intention on taking any meds. Four years was more than enough for a lifetime. I’m not going back to being a zombie.

I also couched Phillip’s mom Grace through the process of buying a Pokemon game from the Nintendo 3DS console… through Whatsapp! I had to send the poor woman a bunch of screencaps and even then I’m not sure she managed to make the purchase.

Health update: I really need to get my wisdom tooth removed. It hurts often. I dislocated my jaw somehow (probably trying to avoid using my wisdom tooth), which has made eating extremely painful in the last few days. It seems I’ve sprained my ankle at the park so yeah… I’m a mess.

 

Long weekend

Yes, I’ve been super MIA. I know. I haven’t been in the mood for writing lately. I’m still too shocked and sad by Leo’s passing. I hadn’t recovered from what happened to Mr. Remus yet (he was our pet bunny) and now this… I’ve never had a healthy relationship with death. It terrifies the hell out of me and this keeps me in a gloomy mood.

Still, I’ve been trying my best to stay active and put on a strong face for Hotaru’s sake. There’s lots of news, too.  All of them wonderful.

Mom promised Hotaru she’d give us her old Christmas Tree as it was too huge for her now that she’ll be moving into a small apartment. Hotaru was thrilled, but also felt a little guilty about her not having her own tree, so we worked on this project. I think it came out amazing. We worked on it for about five days and Hotaru did all the difficult work. I just carved the tree shape with an exacto knife and glued the parts together.

Hotaru painted it and then designed the decorations and made most of them out of cold porcelain. I only made the reindeer and the dove. The kid modeled the sledge, mini Santa, mini elf, present box, candy cane and all the tiny balls. We gave it to mom last Saturday.

Mom absolutely loved it. She was very touched by the gift and said it was the best Christmas Tree she’s had in her entire life. She’s also cleared an entire table at her house to place it. Hotaru was beyond happy to learn this. She also said it was a little sad the project was over, and that she would miss working on it.

I would have suggested we made another one, but there’s so much Christmas baking waiting for us (and in this weather ugh!) and then there’s the home made crackers… we’ll have more than enough to keep us busy.

Yesterday, I signed the second part of the paperwork needed to sell the house so we got half of the money already. I think we’ll be signing the last batch of papers on January 9th, but I’m not sure. I had never seen so many dollars together in my life. I wasn’t too impressed though. I don’t value money much to be honest. I’d rather be happy with those I hold close to my heart.

In fact, having to count all that money to make sure it was all there, was a HUGE nuisance. Especially with everyone else talking and swapping phone numbers. They were super distracting and the constant whispering of numbers forced me to start over several times. By the end, I felt murderous. I’m lucky I’ll never have a job that requires me to constantly count money because it would be most frustrating.

Both the other sellers, my old neighbors Susan and Karina, were in awe of Hotaru. They had seen her last weekend when she spent the night at mom’s. They were both very impressed by her vocabulary and general knowledge, as well as her speech pattern. They said it sounds very adult like. They don’t know half of it LOL. The kid is such a genius ❤

(Above – Left to right: Chibi Usa, Lulu, Hotaru, Valu)
(Below – Left to right: Andy-sensei, Chibi Usa, Valu, Hotaru)

Hotaru had an event at school last week. The school teachers gave a speech, then Valu’s mom did the same representing the lot of us. The teachers made out kids enter the stage holding a red candle and sing a song for us. It was super cute. They also gave her a medal and a diploma which I consider ridiculous, as they’re not finishing college or anything but whatever. The kid loved it. She’s happy with her medal and carried it everywhere for a few days. That’s what counts.

The kid discovered a new anime that I didn’t know about. It’s called Go! Princess Precure! And we absolutely love it. The main character is a silly girl named Haruka and one of her best friends is called Minami Kaidou… and she’s a total Michiru ripoff. I love this fact, though I think that making her play the violin on top of everything else was a bit overkill. It’s also about 50 episodes long so we’ll be entertained for a long while. Hotaru was sad when Glitter Force was over so this is good news for us.

This was a long weekend. We did plenty of things. Hotaru and I had dinner at my dad’s which was unexpectedly fun. I mean, I enjoy spending time with him but, with my aunt and Sandra and Ruben out of town at the beach house, I didn’t expect to have a blast. We totally did. Sang all night while he played his guitar and dinner was excellent. Even Hotaru joined us for some of the folk songs. She tried to mimic me and learn the lyrics (because she can’t read well enough to read them off the song book yet). It was SO ADORABLE ❤

Hotaru’s friend Phillip invited her over to his house on Friday. They spent the afternoon playing Pokemon TCG and swapping pokemon from 3DS to 3DS as they both own many of the franchise games but in different versions. We have Y and he has X, we have Black and he has White, etcetera. They also went upstairs to their terrace and played with water. Phillip’s mom said they completely drenched the dog and the neighbor LOL. The woman is nice and they live four blocks from where we’ll be moving but she’s too old and doesn’t understand half the things both kids and I talk about.

Michiru and I went on a date to the movies. ^^ We watched Underworld Blood Wars. It was great. I loved it as an action film, but having grown up playing Vampire the Masquerade and other World of Darkness tabletop RPG games, I felt I didn’t believe some parts of the plot. I hated it as a sequel to the saga, even though I loved the movie itself. I know I should be more open minded and understand that Underworld isn’t White Wolf’s WoD, but still… those white haired vampires are SO LAME, they could be Edward Cullen’s long lost cousins. And that’s all I’m gonna say about it. Been bitching about it to the D&D guys all week. I want them to watch it so we can all comment on the subject. Agus promised he would.

Back to the date, it was sweet. We walked to the mall, ordered some food while we chatted about untranscendental things and discussed our daddy issues for such a long time after dinner, we would have completely missed the movie if I hadn’t casually asked what time it was. I thought we still had some time before the movie started and wanted to make sure we didn’t forget about it but when we looked at the time, it was seven minutes past the time printed on the tickets!! We dashed upstairs and were lucky they were showing other movie trailers.

It has been exactly eleven years since the last time Michiru and I went to the movies together. We went to see Constantine back in 2005, though neither of us paid any attention to the movie back then. Underworld we did watch. We no longer have raging hormones and I was really looking forward to this movie. Besides, I love just sitting next to her. Makes me happy. We walked home and watched another movie on the couch before I gave her a back rub and we went to bed, too exhausted to do anything but sleep. Man, we’re old! Officially middle aged LOL.

(Michiru took that pic at the shopping last week and she suggested the pose. It’s so funny ^^)

In the crafts department, Hotaru and I have made other things besides the tree. We made Yo-Kai watches with paper, coloring pencils and some glue.

Sunday, Michiru, Hotaru and I had lunch at my mom’s. It was the first time she officially spent time with Michiru. It was a great lunch. We talked about lots of interesting stuff while Hotaru played with water in the back yard, under my dead old Plum tree. Mom told Michiru funny anecdotes from when I was a child and they both praised Hotaru endlessly. I loved to see us all sharing a table like a family. Michiru even got Hotaru to eat carrots! And she asked for a second helping! Mom was impressed. I was speechless.

Hotaru improvised a tabletop RPG during the second half of our lunch. It involved cooking and some paranormal activity regarding green peas (it’s weird, I know!). She acted as a GM and narrated the story for us in a very mature way. She never ceases to amaze me. She even explained RPG games to my mom so she could play as well. Then, upon seeing her puzzled face, she told her “I think this might be a bit too complex for you, granny.” I laughed my butt off and I’m sure Michiru would have too hadn’t she been a bit intimidated by my mom.

Mom and I gave Michiru the grand tour of the house so she can get to know it before it’s demolished.

After that, Michiru  took Hotaru to the park and I went to Home Depo with Setsuna and her boyfriend. I thought she was driving, which scared me a bit, since she only got her licence two months ago. Luckily for me, it was the boyfriend who drove us there. We had a blast! There was SO MUCH to see. I helped her pick a bathroom curtain and a carpet for her living room. There was a sink I absolutely fell in love with. (The one below)

We tried half a dozen office chairs until both Setsuna and I found one we wanted, but mine was too expensive and will have to wait for another month and hers wasn’t boyfriend approved so she chose not to buy it in the end. I think that’s a mistake on her account. She has to trust her judgement and be her own woman, but I couldn’t tell her that in front of him so I’ll have to find the right moment to bring it up.

Today is Hotaru’s last day of school. I’m supposed to throw confetti at her but the party supply store was closed and now I’m crossing my fingers they’ll reopen when they say they will so I can get it before she gets out. I’m so excited about her going to Mugen Gakuen next year!!

Gay & proud every day…

…so we didn’t go to the pride parade. We’re gay and proud every day anyway.

Instead, Michiru and I took Hotaru to the park, where we met Chibi Usa, Odango Atama and her brother Shingo for lunch. We packed an entire gluten free lunch for them and got there early.

The guys got there a while later as the parade kept them from reaching the park in time. They did text to warn us they’d be late though. Odango Atama brought lots of tabletop games for the kids, who split their time between playing with them and running around like a pair of possessed maniacs. I love it when they enjoy running like that. Kids nowadays spend too much time in front of a screen if you ask me (and I’m worse than all of them put together in that regard, I know!).

We spent four or five hours there before the weather got too cold and a few droplets started to rain on us. That’s when we said goodbye and dashed home to run away from the storm. Then we watched movies on the couch.

I think no amount of crazy loud fun at the parade would have compared to spending a quiet day with my little gay family and our open minded friends. We shared anecdotes and discussed books, movies and TV shows and the kids had a blast.

Close encounter with death

Today was a strange day. It had a very unusual start, but a very fitting one for Thanksgiving (although we don’t officially celebrate it here in Argentina).

I woke up to my cat Lana yowling like crazy. I didn’t get what she meant but she did her best to get me out of bed. I didn’t want to. My body still felt heavy and my joints ached. Hotaru had spent the night at my mom’s and was supposed to take the little firefly straight to school. The official plan was to stay in bed until I had to pick her up. Umi san has her own set of keys so she would let herself out after cleaning the house.

Upon opening my eyes, I did register a faint gas odor, but I disregarded it because the only place that has a gas connection is the kitchen and that’s in the other end of the apartment. Besides, my sense of smell sucks big time. Why would I trust it?

Well, turns out it was right. Umi san had unintentionally left one of the stove knobs on ON after cleaning, but there was no flame. She probably ran the rag through the knobs and one of them just turned around without her noticing, as they’re very sensitive and her eyesight is poor.

Thing is, mom had a feeling she just HAD to stop by my place before dropping Hotaru at school and she, having the hound nose she has, panicked at once. She dashed into the kitchen, turned the stove off and opened all the windows in the house.

I was extremely lucky she decided to do so. I wouldn’t be alive now if she hadn’t. I was so sleepy and sluggish after being exposed to the gas for over an hour, that I couldn’t even help her open the windows. There’s one thing to be thankful for!

After that, we took Hotaru to school. Went to Mugen Gakuen to ask directions to the place that sells their uniform and planned to go there next when a delicious smell from the school’s buffet drew our attention. For old time’s sake, mom and I walked into the cafeteria and ordered today’s menu. Takikomi Gohan and Karaage (ironically, I wrote a short story named exactly that two nights ago!). She also ordered half a dozen Dorayaki and a bunch of fortune cookies because she was clearly in a playful mood (which is her way of grieving, trying to look super upbeat). Mom was nice enough to buy enough for Michiru as well, which is super kind of her.

Mom was so hungry she ate her Dorayaki on the spot while I took our bento home. Before we left, we ran into Misui sensei, my old headmistress, who asked if Hotaru had gotten a seat after all. She implied that it would have been sad that a girl who already speaks Japanese didn’t make it into the school and she looked genuinely happy to learn that the little firefly had been accepted.

We went to buy Hotaru’s uniform next. The place was only a couple of blocks from the school and the clothes are really adorable, yet sober. They have Mugen Gakuen’s logo all over them ❤

We only got the summer and winter uniform for the time being. I’ll have to come back later and get the gym uniform and the official one for ceremonies. But it’s smart of us to get it now. Prices always go up at the beginning of a school year. I’ll try calling the school soon to learn which gym set the girls use, as they’ve several options, depending on which sport your kid chooses.

I can’t believe how tall Hotaru has gotten lately! She’s wearing a size TEN already! And she’s merely six years old! But she can barely fit into a size eight and I seriously doubt she will by the end of the summer, after three months of swimming and running under the sun.

Mom and I ran into Odango Atama when picking Hotaru up. Usagi and Chibi Usa walked with us to our usual square but I was tired and wanted to get home as soon as possible, so we didn’t stop to play. I did stop for a minute to exchange a couple of words with Luz, Valentina’s mother because it has been ages since we’ve last spoken and we used to be quite close last year. Turns out her mother is still very ill so it makes perfect sense that she hasn’t been paying much attention to me or asking for play dates. It’s good to know it’s not personal. This way, I can still call her next year and see if she’d like to lend us her daughter for a couple of hours. Hotaru loves to play with her. Valentina and Chibi Usa are her best friends.

Michiru came home after work. Mom had left by then. Michiru and I had the obento mom bought for tea (it was beyond delicious!) and Hotaru nibbled on the Dorayaki and then had a cereal bar. Michiru wanted to go to the park, but I was still feeling tired so I declined. Instead, we chatted about silly stuff while Hotaru napped with the cat on the sofa and then all of us wathced Kung Fu Panda 3. I liked it but there were several parts that upset me… from a moral perspective. No spoilers, but the movie was OK after all.

Dinner was simple because of my lack of energy. I made it in a rush while Hotaru took a bath and it drained me. No normal flu that lasts this long usually goes away on its own and my throat still hurts, so I guess I’ll be needing antibiotics, but I’m still gonna hope for the best a couple more days before dragging myself to the Dr’s office, which is boring and unpleasant. I have to go there in a couple of days for a blood test and I’d like to see an eye doctor as well, so I’ll try to let things pile up and then see all the different doctors I need to see on the same day.

After dinner, Michiru took a shower and went straight to bed, while Hotaru and I stayed up. Sleeping right after dinner is not healthy and gives you nightmares, which we want to avoid.

Hotaru drew pictures in a story book she’s writing, while I finished my book on Japanese Sociology (started it yestereday… yes, I’m a very fast reader!). Then I read three Japanese bed time stories to her instead of Harry Potter or Narnia. I read her bedtime stories in Japanese at least once a week. I read every sentence and then say it in Spanish or English for her to understand the story fully and I can tell she has started to understand what’s going on without looking at the pictures or me translating.

Today it was one about a bus driver, one about a bunny and another one about a mouse and other animals who suffered from insomnia. We didn’t finish the last one because she was too sleepy, but it was too much like the one we read last time anyway, so no biggie. The art on that one was amazing, though, with a teal background and pastel colors. And such detail!

I had wanted to write tonight, but I don’t feel in the mood. My muse took the year off, it seems. I was feeling it a bit these past few days but I was too tired to even type. LOL

Don’t know if I’ve mentioned it, but Franco told me last Saturday that he and his friend want me to teach them Japanese from level zero. I was beyond thrilled at the idea of going back to teaching, especially Japanese, which I love. Teaching Hotaru has been SO MUCH FUN I can’t wait to go back to it. But my everything hurt so I wasn’t able to display this joy so now Franco thinks I’m not too interested (not really my problem).

Well, today he said that two other friends of his want to join the class, so we’re talking a 3-4 students class. I’m so excited! He understands I’m still shaken over my step dad, so he was kind enough to say they would wait until I feel completely recovered to start talking schedules.

Funny fact, I think I might be a lot like my mom on this regard: I want to go back to work as soon as possible and do things that make me happy to help me palliate the pain of losing someone so important to me.

I was laying awake in bed the other night, crying my eyes out and then it hit me. I wasn’t able to do much for Leo this past year because of the court process against Dr. Tomoe, so I’ll try to stay close to his children and take care of them, help my (step)  brother and sister however I can. It’s what he would have done and it’s what I will do.

As soon as they’re back on their feet a bit, I’ll invite them (and mom) over for a family dinner and let them all know just how much they mean to me and that they can count on me for whatever they might need. Not only now, but in five years time or ten years time.

I wanted to ask mom to save one of his old ties for me, so I can wear it when Michiru and I get married next year, but so far I’ve been too much of a chicken and didn’t dare to bring him up if she didn’t… and she didn’t, of course. Because she doesn’t talk about feelings, especially if they’re anything but blissful.

Oh, Setsuna said we should get together and celebrate that I didn’t die today by crafting cute things out of cold porcelain, which is something we used to do a lot back in high school. I love the idea and it’s cheered me up a lot, just like the idea of teaching did. I miss spending lots of time with Setsuna. I’ve been wearing the clothes she’s given me almost every day now. They’re my favorite and make me feel close to her. Besides, everyone says they look dashing on me =P But, mostly, I wear them because I feel we’re close. ❤

I wish we lived closer by so we could spend more time together doing stuff. She’s been a bit under the weather too lately. Said she had the same symptoms I did so perhaps it’s an epidemic. Michiru’s mom and sister (and herself) felt like this too for a few days last week.

Hotaru will attend Mugen Gakuen after all

Today I got another email from Mugen Gakuen telling me Hotaru has been officially accepted. It even contained the word “welcome” and it was such a shock, my fight or flight reflexes kicked in big time. It took me a while to calm down and process it, though it still doesn’t sink. Hotaru even asked why I wasn’t screaming and whooping like I did when they sent the first email. Guess I got so disappointed to learn that the process was longer than I just didn’t go through that again.

Hotaru’s friend Rami seems to have been accepted as well, though I’m not quite sure. I fear it might have been his mother trying to save face. Guess we’ll find out eventually, in March, when they go back to school.

Hotaru and I made little stamps out of Styrofoam and stamped lots of bows and hearts and hello kitty figures into paper. It was fun and easy to make, though not quite what I had in mind initially, which was introducing her to xerography. Still, I enjoyed her take on the activity a lot more than I would have had we gone with my idea. She even said “Hanko wo tsukutta.” In a very cheerful way. She’s SOOOO adorable ❤

She slept well last night. No concerns about either Dr. Tomoe or Mr. Remus. I’m so relieved! I hate to see her cry. She needs to be a happy child and grow into a happy adult.

I went to Hotaru’s school this afternoon. November is the month where parents take turns giving the kids a lecture or a class of some sort. Lulu’s mom taught them a simple recipe, because she’s a cook. Odango Atama gave them a gym class, since she’s a personal trainer. Someone’s father read them a book and someone’s grandma taught them to make musical instruments out of empty yogurt cups.

Me? I’m a procastinator, so I organized a role playing game. Hotaru asked me to set it on Hogwarts, so I told them a story about them being students at a magical school where I made them go through several classes, from spell learning to gardening and dragon caring. I asked them personally, one by one what color their spells were, what their potions did, what kind of plant they were growing and what their dragons looked alike, then had them beat a monster in the end, combining their forces to defeat it with the spell taught in Defense Against the Dark Arts class… LOL.

Looks like they had fun. They drew me a picture as a thank you gift and seemed super engaged by the activity. Their teacher said they’re not used to using their imagination and that they had a hard time in the beginning, which I saw for myself. Makes sense. They get too much screen time. But my experience with visiting them at school since Hotaru was two is that kids want YOUR attention. They want to tell you what they like and what they do, not the other way around. So I organized this so they had to tell me a lot about their own animals and spells and potions and such… and they loved it!

Things go smoothly when you bear in mind the emotional needs of your target. Looks like all those years studying Marketing in college finally paid off ROFL.

Oh, Chibi Usa missed school today. I wonder if she’s OK. They haven’t replied my whatsapp messages.

Michiru came home after her Dr’s appointment. The woman said her rash is due to stress, sleep deprivation and under eating. Nothing we didn’t know, but hopefully that will put her mother’s mind at ease and she’ll give Michiru a break about going to the doctor.

We did some catching up and folded clothes. Then my blood pressure plummeted and I got very nervous until I realized what the reason I wasn’t feeling well was. Then I put some salt under my tongue and rose my legs and fell asleep on the sofa.

Michiru made dinner for Hotaru and herself. I was too exhausted to eat. Then, we all went to bed early. I wasn’t feeling well enough to read to Hotaru in her bed, so she came to ours and sat in the corner. I read to her there and then she went to bed on her own. It broke my heart, but I really wasn’t recovered enough to stand for a long while in her room reading in the dark.

I did give her several bear hugs to make up for it but it wasn’t enough for me. I think she was happy to watch TV for a change, but that’s good. I want her happy, not super focused on me. She needs to be her own woman once I’m not around, though I expect that to be a long long time in the future.

I’m extremely grateful for Michiru’s kindness and her good disposition to help out when I wasn’t able to do stuff like dinner.

Hotaru’s baby cousin

Today was wonderful. We woke up early because Hotaru was invited to Rami’s birthday party at 11 and we had to get her ready for it in advance. It was nearby so we just walked there, enjoying the lovely Spring weather. It was absolutely perfect. The party was across the street from Hotaru’s first Kinder, which brought back some really disgusting memories about Dr. Tomoe, but Michiru brought me back into the light with her usual gentleness.

After we dropped the firefly at the party, Michiru and I headed to Subway for lunch. We had less alone time than expected and were only halfway through our sandwiches when it was time to pick up Hotaru. We took the leftovers with us to snack on later and picked up the kid. She was happy and enjoyed herself thoroughly at the party, so it was a success. She is such a thoughtful kid, she saved her chocolate cookie pop for me to have, as she’s allergic to chocolate and in no rush to experience what getting a shot for your allergies feels like.

The three of us walked home talking about the party and pokemon and Hotaru’s friends, who play a pokemon card game. I promised the kid I’ll buy her a deck whenever I come across one, as she wants to play with the boys and her friends (and boyfriend!) refuse to lend her theirs even for a moment.

Chibi Usa missed the party. I was surprised at first but then I remembered she has therapy on Saturday afternoons and it made sense for Odango Atama to take her straight to therapy rather than picking her up early to dash there with a kid whose health isn’t perfect.

Michiru took a very long nap when we got home. She was still exhausted from her hectic week. I, on the other hand, was still full of energy, so I filled our table’s cracks (there were plenty of them, by the way) with some spackle I found laying around the house. It was white against black, but the poor old table was in for a new coat of paint anyway. I can already see the wood in some points. It was bought second hand seven years ago after all!

When I was done with the spackle, I readied my paint only to discover that it would take at least a day to dry. That was off putting and rather obvious but I was too excited to think about it beforehand, so I made the most of it and took out my “in process” paintings. The first one was a small one that I was making for my mom’s new house. The colors were too bright and I hated it, so I coated it all in white and promised myself to start over soon.

Then I focused on the Silver Millenium painting I’ve been working on for Setsuna’s belated birthday and finally gathered the courage to start working on the tricky parts. I was afraid it might not come out as intended, but now that it’s dry it looks even better than I had ever dreamed. It’s still not professional looking, but I had never thought I could produce something this good with that level of detail. Perhaps I should have more faith in my own crafting abilities!

In the meanwhile, Hotaru was playing a farm game on Michiru’s tablet. My sea muse woke up by the time I was finishing with my paintings, so it was the perfect timing. She dozed off on the sofa for another hour while Hotaru and I played around and then she took a shower, as we were all invited to Ruben’s 60th birthday party. I was gladly surprised to learn that Michiru was invited as well and asked both aunt Grace AND my dad (and Ruben’s girlfriend Sandra!) twice before passing on the invitation because I was super afraid they would make her feel uncomfortable or make some unsavory anti gay remarks.

It looks like I misjudged them because everyone was SUPER nice to Michiru. Ruben’s daughter Gilda was there as well with her baby son Felix. He’s three months old and Hotaru was absolutely insane about him. She was instantly in love and hasn’t stopped talking about him since. Felix this and Felix that. His hands are super tiny and he’s so adorable and his little toes… and on and on she went.

Michiru and I weren’t too different ourselves, to tell the truth. I was DYING to hold the handsome little one and Michiru made a zillion faces to him. Felix adored her and laughed at her antics in a way he didn’t with anyone else. Michiru has got a gift for babies. She’ll make a wonderful mother to our children. I can tell… we’re going to the fertility clinic on Monday. I’m so nervous!

Also, Hotaru has her school Spring Camp on the 19th and 20th so I was thinking of planing something super special for Michiru and I that weekend and popping the question, but I’m still uncertain about the logistic of getting Hotaru to her camp without her getting motion sick. There’s still an entire fortnight to plan that, so I won’t obsess over it (too much) for now. Yeah… right… As if that were possible! XD

Back to our night, Hotaru followed my cousin and baby Felix around all night until he fell asleep, then she went to my aunt’s bedroom to play with her toys while we grown ups sang and danced. Dad brought his guitar along and played folk songs while him and I sang and everyone else tried to follow suit. Aunt Grace and Sandra danced a few songs and so did my aunt’s cousin whose name I honestly can’t remember.

It was SUPER embarrassing to sing in front of Michiru like that and I felt very very self conscious, which made it hard to sing well in the beginning, but then I got really into it and it became easier. I absolutely LOVE singing with my dad. We make such an amazing team. Besides, it makes me feel closer to him, sharing something we both love and are great at. Sharing a passion with a parent is priceless. I wish I could share something like that with my mom, the way Hotaru and I share so many things from videogames and crafts to languages and music. But I’m also happy that dad and I share this. It’s heart warming.

Michiru and I wore matching red tops and blue bottoms. I love it when we do that, especially when it’s not done on purpose hehe. I wore the red shirt Setsuna gave to me (it’s a hand me down but I love it! She used to wear it back in high school and it brings back lots of memories!). Hotaru decreed she’d get herself ready on her own and picked the American black lace dress I bought for her last month and her brand new red slippers together with one of her favorite hair bands. She was looking amazing, like a proper princess. ❤

I was worried about Leo all day today because mom said he was doing poorly yesterday. Then, at night, I got a message from her saying he was better today and I finally managed to relax a bit. I’m scared about him. Cancer is a serious illness and I love him as a father. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him.

The sun was already rising by the time we got home. Dad was kind enough to drive us here and he was very polite and nice to Michiru. Well, to be honest, everyone was, even my aunt, who told my beloved muse that she can come back whenever she wants. It meant A LOT to me that she did that, but it will take me a while to gather the courage to tell her so. I do suspect that my aunt already knows this, though. She said Michiru is sweet ❤

I felt kinda guilty for keeping Michiru up so late, but she insisted that she had a blast and that she liked my family, so that kind of eased up my mind a bit. Neither of us can sleep when there’s light in the room, but we were SO EXHAUSTED we sort of passed out in the middle of a conversation, regardless LOL.

Ami was kinda unstable today and called Michiru a couple of times throughout the day. She somehow calmed down after a while, when Michiru reassured her that her ex wasn’t needed to keep the business running and that she could do it alone. I was happy to learn that she was proud of herself for managing on her own. All this is worrysome, but these things take time, so there was bound to be some ups and downs before she’s completely over this depression bout.

Lucky for Ami, she has Michiru looking after her and give support. It’s sad because I know just how hard it is, but I can’t do more because we’re not close and it would be weird if I tried to lend a hand somehow.

 

Gardening

 

Today was a very interesting day. And yes, just couldn’t resist posting half a dozen pictures. They were all so cute. ❤ I love it when Hotaru and Chibi Usa play like that. They look so happy laughing and running like little maniacs.

Chibi Usa was rather impossible today, though. The doctor needs to readjust her medication now that she has finally put on some weight, so her symptoms keep her in a fussy mood for now. Hopefully, she’ll go back to normal soon. She gets really upset if things don’t go exactly as she likes and has trouble sharing, but Hotaru is EXTREMELY patient with her and very understanding. She lets the little bunny get away with almost anything… except for the stick. No one messes with the stick LOL.

They found a stick laying around and had a huge “IT’S MINE. NO, MINE! ” moment. At least until I gave Hotaru my This-is-your-last-warning-before-I-ground-you look. That ended the argument but Chibi Usa was still being stubborn about not sharing the stick. I had to explain to Hotaru later on that we ought to be patient with the little bunny, but she’s a very understanding child and agreed on being more patient with her in the future. Her heart is so big, she doesn’t hold a grudge at all.

Odango Atama told me they missed the Halloween party because the mom in charge of food refused to make gluten free pizza for Chibi Usa and still intended to charge her the entrance fee, which was ridiculous. I told her she should have told me, I would have gladly brought some snacks for Chibi Usa. I mean, I had to get cookies for Hotaru anyway because she doesn’t eat junk food and their pizza was too spicy for her. I felt sad Chibi Usa had missed the party. I would have paid the entrance fee for her gladly. All the kids had SUCH fun.

Odango Atama still can’t find a stable job but at least they confirmed Chibi Usa’s seat at Rawson School today so it looks like they’re not going back to the country side after all. I’m so glad! Usagi’s ex is even worse than Dr. Tomoe and that’s saying something. At least the creep never put a gun to my head. Besides, I love having them around. They’re fun to be with and they get Hotaru and I. Chibi Usa and Hotaru always have a blast playing together, even when they argue. I wouldn’t want them missing out on that.

We’ve arranged a play date on Saturday. Well, more like Usagi invited herself over, but whatever. Hotaru will be thrilled to have Chibi Usa over and the weather is supposed to be super hot so they might even get to play with water in the patio or even the balcony.

Bought some seeds for Hotaru and I to plant after reading about a vegetable garden somewhere online. I remember gardening with my mom on Saturday mornings before I started taking Japanese lessons and it was our super special moment. I’d help her pot plants and make seed beds and lost of other things I couldn’t remember to save my life. Still, I remember it was insane fun and that I felt close to my mom and very much loved.

Every single plant I touch dies now a days but, in spite of my Rogue-like mutant super power to kill everything green, I love plants and the idea of gardening, especially the concept of an orchard or a vegetable patch… even a vertical hydroponic aromatic herb garden sounds appealing to me, but I digress.

Thing is Hotaru and I got to work on our tiny garden after her impromptu play date with Chibi Usa after school. I got green onions, spinach, watermelon and tomato seeds. We only got to plant the last two today because tilting the soil in the beds and pots was exhausting work and I wasn’t up for a big workout today. Still trying to recover from the weekend and the past couple of days LOL.

Hotaru loved working with her shovels and breaking the hard soil into soft, fine sand like earth for us to plant the seeds in. What got my attention was the watermelon seeds had very weird coloring. Some were green, some were blue, some pink and some red. I had never seen watermelon seeds in any color other than brownish black, so I wonder if they’ll be viable. Guess we’ll have to wait and see, but they didn’t look too great to me.

Dad’s mother in law’s dog died after all. It’s so sad it had to be put down. It was so young and tiny. It breaks my heart. I’ve been thinking about death a lot today. Missing Mr. Remus and thinking of my dead brother. The sad shadow clouded my mood all day today. Even had an anxiety attack during lunch, so I called mom. She talked me through it and then it was time to pick the kid up from school. I was in a nearby café at the time, as our upstairs neighbor was getting his apartment painted (or the hardwood floors varnished or whatever) and the whole apartment REEKED of solvent. It was disgusting and gave me a headache, so I fled.

Hotaru is still sad about her friend Jean switching schools, though I don’t get it. I mean, they have fought like cats and dogs since day one because the girl is a bully and her mother hits her. I tried my best to cheer her up, but it only worked for short spells.

It was Michiru who came up with the solution. She suggested Hotaru wrote to Jean through whatsapp and gave her a call tomorrow. I must be the most stupid person ever. I mean, Hotaru spends most afternoons chatting with Chibi Usa over the phone. How come it never crossed my mind!? In my defense, I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.

Michiru came home after work and found Hotaru and I in the middle of our gardening session. She took that picture hehe.

She was super sleepy. Her schedule has been crazy lately and she’s been going to bed very late this past few days. We sat on the sofa watching Hotaru play a Hamtaro videogame in her computer. Yes, she’s got a new keyboard last Monday, so now she can use her computer again. Anyway… I made meat and mushroom pie for dinner (how very Hobbit-y of me!) and we watched Skylanders during dinner. Then Michiru fell asleep on the couch while Hotaru and I kept watching the show. I like the character design, but disapprove of the humor. I don’t think it’s entirely appropriate for children. Michiru’s wrinkled nose told me she agreed. It wasn’t as bad as Secret Life of Pets, though.

Oh, this morning, Hotaru and I watched a Japanese stop motion video about a mother panda reading a bedtime story to her cub. It was called Pantarou and was about a baby panda born from a slice of bread who was raised by two monkeys. It had several adventures with other animal friends and Hotaru was ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE with the Chibi KoPanda ❤ I’ve never seen her this interested in a Japanese story before. It was sweet and I loved sharing that with her. Now she says she’s my Chibi KoPanda ❤ ❤ ❤

Washing dishes for the first time

Hotaru is growing up so fast T_T I mean, I’m happy that she’s smart, polite and healthy and that she has the kindest heart I’ve ever come across… but she still grows up too fast and I need to teach her how to become a functional human being. People like Minako, who couldn’t cook or clean at all when she moved out on her own at age 23 are the stuff all parents’ nightmares are made of. Ok, perhaps not all parents but mine.

I want her to be able to be responsible, get a job, know her way around a house and a kitchen and be happy. It’s a lot of ask, I know, but mom always taught me to dream big. And I digress… Anyway, considering kids learn to help around the house from a very young age in Japan and that I’m raising Hotaru as Japanese as Argentina allows me to, it is time she learned how to do dishes.

She was only allowed to wash the plastic ones, but we did have a lot of those  in the sink today, so I made her an apron out of an old dress of mine and she was ready to give washing a try. I was a little iffy about taking this step because Dr. Tomoe’s mother used to let her wash glass dishes unsupervised on a wobbly stool when she was three and it became one of the trademarks of her negligence though she’s done much, much worse after that.

Still, it was about time this happened. I explained how to rinse cups and spoons to avoid spills and she was beyond happy to be able to do this big girl thing at last. Hotaru has been asking (more like begging) for me to let her do the dishes for years and now I think she’s ready. I mean, she did a superb job helping me with laundry the other day. This can’t be too different, though the other day we spoke in Japanese only while doing the laundry and today it was a very Spanish dish washing session. I could have given English a go but her English is already native and I didn’t have the brains for it. I just want a date… with my bed… for days LOL.

Hotaru’s therapy session went well, though I dislike Helga’s habit of making her play hide and seek with me when I enter to pick her up like we need encouragement. I mean, Hotaru and I spend most of every day together and do lots of things together like crafting and cooking and cleaning (and singing, and going for a walk and having picnics…). I really don’t need to be forced to play with her in front of a stranger. Makes me feel super awkward. Especially because Helga treats Hotaru like a baby and she’s bright as hell.

The house is a royal mess. Umi-san isn’t coming this week either and laundry is piling up while the living room is full of leftovers from the Halloween party crafts. I’ve promised myself I’d clean tomorrow, but we’ll see. I’d like the house to be clean and tidy by the time Michiru gets here, but it will depend on the weather and my blood pressure, probably. Hope it’s better than today, at any rate.

Luckily for me, all the things that need to be done will take under an hour. Thing is I’ve been too busy and then exhausted this past three days to do it. I always end up exhausted (both emotionally and physically) after these court hearings and then there was the party and taking Hotaru to therapy today… I needed a break and cleaning could wait another day anyway. I’d rather work on the cardboard Polly Pocket set Hotaru and I have been devising these past few days. It lifts up my spirit and makes it soar.

The plan for tomorrow includes baking leopard bread, which Hotaru has been crazy about making since we saw SandyaelMikoku’s tutorial for it online a few days ago, buying seeds and starting a vegetable garden, cleaning the house and doing laundry. Everything else will be a plus.

The kid was sad today. It took me forever to cheer her up. It was Jean’s last day at school and also, her birthday party but Hotaru couldn’t attend because of therapy. It’s strange, though. I mean she and Jean had never seen eye to eye in anything and are constantly arguing and now she’s sad because she’ll miss her if she changes schools… It doesn’t make any sense. I’ll keep thinking about it until it does. There’s something amiss and I want to know what it is.

On a totally unrelated note, Jean’s Halloween costume was SUPER flashy. She was a vampire and her tiny lacy mermaid dress was just WOW. Totally inappropriate for a six ear old but amazing. That child’s parents get LOTS of things wrong, it seems. They not only hit their children but they also insult them and dress them like grown ups. Oh, well, whatever. Hotaru won’t be under their influence or their daughter’s any longer anyway.

Michiru had dinner at a friend’s house tonight. They invited her over to meet their baby. She sent me pictures. Oh. My. Goodness. I NEED to have more children. TODAY. More like, yesterday. Seriously. I know I’m always exhausted and sometimes I’m crabby and need a break from my life, but I adore being a parent and I feel better qualified to start again now. Besides, Hotaru has been telling Michiru and I that she wants to have baby sisters or brothers so she can share her obento with them and dress them in cute little onesies. It seems it’s not only Michiru and I who got the baby fever.

On that subject, I had a blood work done this morning and Michiru and I have an appointment at the fertility clinic on the 7th. We’re looking to freeze some of my eggs (embryos, if we’re lucky) so whenever the moment comes in a couple of years, we have both our genetic material ready. You know… in case the 30% that’s left of my right ovary decides to retire or just go MIA like the left one did a few years back.

ALSO… there’s news regarding the Dream House project but it’s a long story and I’m exhausted (which I hope explains why this post is messy and all over the place). There’s one house that Michiru and I both liked as a substitute for our original Dream House, as that one has been reserved by someone else. That plan B house is out of my budget by a considerable sum, so I showed it to my mom the other day at the court house and she loved it but that was it.

I mean, the idea is for me to sell the house I grew up in and use the money to buy two houses, one for my mom and another one for me and my family. Well, mom said she’d be willing to let me use up a part of her share so I can buy that house (that’s big enough to sub rent, which would allow us to never need to work again and can take care of Hotaru and whatever children we have next). The only condition being that she and Leo are allowed to live with us for a while, until she can retire next year and use that money together with her share of this sale to buy something she likes.

I was completely against it at first, because I feel it’s her money and I don’t want to abuse. If I agree there might not be enough money left from her retirement for her to start a business like she wanted. And I don’t want to be the cause of that. But then again, if I don’t have to work another day in my life she won’t have to worry about my economy and ability (or the lack thereof) to make a regular income as a seamstress. I really don’t know where I stand on this but I will wait until I’ve seen the property on Thursday before making up my mind.

The benefit of that place is that I’d get AT LEAST five rooms for rent downstairs with two kitchens and bathrooms and still have a three bedroom house for me and my family upstairs AND the chance to build the kitchen, bathrooms and living room as I see fit. Perhaps even a laundry room in the huge terrace. Dunno. I’ll have to think about it hard, but it’s an option. An option that makes me feel guilty, but an option still.

Halloween Party 2016

Hotaru wanted us to dress as Anna and Elsa for Halloween, so I indulged. And, below, there’s us as Rapunzel and  Mother Gothel back in 2014.

I’m always super busy this time of the year, so I’m happy with whatever solves the Halloween costume issue in little time. Ideally, I’d love to have eons of time to come up with creative ideas and work on the costumes until they’re perfect. Then there’s real life, always getting in the way, and I end up with whatever makes the kid happy with the least trouble for me =P Hence the inaccuracy.

This year, I was particularly lucky. Hotaru settled for the Anna costume she got as a birthday present from her school mates and I happened to have an old blue corset and a matching skirt that were the exact same shade so they look like a dress. Also, my Emma Frost wig came in handy =P Michiru went bonkers when she saw our picture LOL. She’s a die hard Elsa fan.

ANYWAY… Hotaru and I woke up super early today and went to court for our last two interviews for this stupid process against Dr. Tomoe. It went well but they asked me lots of very technical and disgusting questions so I was shaking (again!) by the time I got out. Lucky mom came with us and stayed with us as well. I really needed the support. Even if the reason why she was able to be there (Leo being in hospital again) isn’t great. She took the whole week off to help me around with the excuse of him being sick.

While Hotaru was being interviewed, I showed mom the property I’ve been considering as plan B these past few days and she seemed very interested in it. The fact that they provided blueprints on top of pictures was just the icing.

We had lunch at Subway because Hotaru and I absolutely love it and mom… well, she’s a darling. Then dropped Hotaru at school, where they scolded me because she wasn’t wearing her uniform (there hadn’t been enough time to both eat and change her into proper clothes). And mom and I had a talk with the headmistress about these audiences and why we can’t take the kid there in her uniform blah blah. Don’t think they’ll pester me about trivial things like the dress code again (hopefully).

Mom and I came back home and she helped me finish all the games for the party. We managed to get everything ready just in time. Then uncle George stopped by to give mom her hostel keys back, as he had been supervising some repairs to prevent rain from causing a flood in the upper floor dorms. He was very upset about us celebrating Halloween, but I gave him a piece of my mind, which, of course sent him in a rant.

Then I realized I was late to pick Hotaru up and dashed out. The bag where I carried the games tore and mom and uncle George had to help me carry the props to the school, where I asked Matthew’s father to please take them to the party in his car. He was nice enough to do that for us so Hotaru and I walked there with the other kids and parents.

I was in charge of the entertainment… single handed. It was insane. Only Lolo’s mom and I wore costumes. Well, all the kids did, but none of the adults dared, proving to be as dull as they seemed so far. They didn’t even help decorate the place.

The second I got into clown mode none of this mattered anymore, obviously. I poured drinks, supervised games and motivated the shy ones. The other parents loved the games I came up with and the stuffed animals party favors I sown for the children. They had cats, owls, fwoopers and snitches to choose from.. and yes, I do love Harry Potter =P The kids do too and they adored the plushies. Even the boys. Sadly, I didn’t take pictures of them because it was utter chaos and handling 20 kids at the same time overclocks my brain to the point where it doesn’t know that a camera is anymore. Even if I had the time, they were so hyper, pictures would have come out blurry anyway.

The games were very basic: First, there was my all times favorite fishing game, where kids have to fish foam figures with a rod made of sticks and wool. Mom helped me put the rods together and Hotaru lent a hand with the spider crafting so four of them could pick up spiders at the same time.

An old keyboard box and some cardboard hands and a toy hammer came together nicely to create a freaky version of whack a crocodile. The kids absolutely loved it. They went crazy over this game and it only took two minutes of me working the hands before they took turns running the game for the rest. It gave the ones behind the box the feeling of importance grown ups have and the rest just had fun. It was great to watch them get organized on their own like that. Later on, they got bored of that and just played with the hands, chasing one another in some sort of Halloween tag game. It was very creative of them.

Last, but not least, was a game where you have to pull strings to make a marble crawl up a holed wall without it falling into the holes. You can either pull both strings yourself or play with a friend, which is what the kids did. It took a while for them to get the hang of the game, but everyone absolutely loved it. Even the other parents were impressed! And those are a rather tough public, to be honest. Especially Casper’s mom, the plastic artist.

I was super surprised to see children self policing themselves over this last game. They explained the rules to one another and took turns to play. They would kindly leave their post whenever someone else told them they had already played two times and it was their time to have a go at it. Vicky was the only one who had trouble giving up her post and even she behaved without me having to intervene.

This school might have TONS of flaws, but the way they teach kids to be patient and to share and work together is AMAZING. Honestly. It’s the ONE good thing about them and it’s great. It reminds me why I was OK with this school to begin with.

Hotaru was beyond excited, running around with Jean and Valerie and Lulu, whose mom was as nice as ever (meaning she was an icicle). Most of the parents just sat there drinking coffee and having cake while Lolo’s mom and I dealt with the kids. Casper’s mom helped as well, which was surprising, considering she was SUPER against having a Halloween party. Guess the only reason she brought her kid along was everyone else was coming… well, everyone but Chibi Usa. She told Hotaru at school that she wouldn’t be attending, though I don’t really know why. I’ll ask Odango Atama when I get the chance.

In short, the party was a complete success and I’m super happy for being able to be a part of it. Everyone loved the games and the kids had a blast. It’s great that Hotaru had a chance to celebrate Halloween. I died for a party like that when I was her age and all I got was heat from nationalists saying it’s not an Argentinean holiday. WHO CARES!? It makes the kids happy! Besides, like Michiru pointed out, I don’t see them going out of their way to celebrate Pacha Mama festivities in August…

After the party, Hotaru and I stayed behind to help clean up the place and then walked home, where we made Onigiri for dinner while waiting for Michiru to arrive. We watched the old X-Men cartoon (the one from the 90’s) while having dinner.

I had to dine super early because I’m scheduled for a blood test tomorrow morning and I need to fast for it. I was rather down after such an adrenaline rush and needed some cheering up, but Michiru and I had a talk over what was worrying me and she managed to calm me down.

I don’t know what I would have done without her. Probably, something along the lines of having an anxiety attack. She’s very understanding and patient with me and has been a great support to me through this all.

Later on, Michiru and I had a very long talk about Hotaru and how she doesn’t want the kid to ever feel like she’s invading her personal space when it comes to my affection. That was a really awkward conversation to have, especially because my mind was already overloaded after such a tiresome day, but Michiru needed to talk about it so we did and it was good to know we’re on the same page, as usual. We also discussed the argument we had a couple of weeks back. Turns out she, too, needed some reassurance last night.

Even if the topics were touchy and  bit sad somehow, it was nice talking to her like that, knowing we trust one another with our concerns.

Hotaru and I did some crafts before bedtime: animal flashcards for her to practice her Japanese. I drew the animals and wrote the hiragana for them and she painted them while we listened to quiet music. It was a great activity to relax before bedtime. Hotaru quit at some point and said she was too sleepy to go on so I carried her to her bed. She was already fast asleep by the time I came back with the Harry Potter book, so there wasn’t a bedtime story for her but she needed her beauty sleep. The poor thing was up super early because of this trial.

Play Date

Odango Atama brough Chibi Usa over for a play date today. They were all over the place, running and playing and yelling. It was loud but super fun. Usagi had promised to help me finish the games for the Halloween party but she also warned me that her crafting skill is null. In the end, we chatted about stuff and didn’t get anything done. It was fun, though.

Then Hotaru and I made some crafts of our own. Since I just couldn’t get myself to work on those games, we built a Polly Pocket of sorts with cardboard and tape (among other materials). It was fun to make and cute looking. It was lined with red and golden wrapping paper, so it’s very fancy hehe. The kid was very excited about it. She drew lots of furniture for it and then had a hard time cutting them but it was a good exercise on both fine motor skills and patience.

Dad picked us up at 10pm and drove us to aunt Grace’s for dinner. Puli was there as well but they weren’t in good spirits. Puli’s mother’s puppy is super sick and might die. It isn’t eating or drinking and the vet has put an IV in its paw to help but it needs to cooperate and eat. Dad was super sad over the poor little thing. It weights barely over 1lb. =(

On a totally unrelated note: I AM aware of the fact that my entries are sloppier lately and that I don’t write in a happy go lucky poetic manner like I used to. Thing is I’ve been super busy these past couple of months and I don’t post daily as I used to. I do leave tabs for myself so I can remember what happened each day. Then I write seven or ten entries in a single day whenever I find the time to commit second hand feelings to my blog, so it’s less personal and a lot more technical this way. Still, it’s better than no updates so yeah… that. I’ve been neglecting this me-time but out cleaning lady, Umi-san has been ill for a while and then her husband fell sick and she is taking care of him these days… I’ve piles of dirty laundry higher than me thanks to this “lovely” London weather we’ve been experiencing lately.