Having your 6yo drag you out of the proverbial closet

I had a huge panic attack last night. Michiru, being the angel that she is, stayed up and helped me calm down. She held my hand until it passed. Lucky for Hotaru, the kid didn’t notice a thing. I would have hated lying to her and her therapist Helga-san insists she isn’t to be told about Leo’s passing yet, so it would have been inconvenient. I want Hotaru to be happy. I don’t want her to feel the pain and heartache I’m going through.

What made me sad was decorating the Christmas Tree. Mom bought one for us since she couldn’t find hers. Hotaru was beyond thrilled and so was I for the first time in my life, as I’ve never cared one bit about putting the thing together, but this year… I don’t know…

Last year we all decorated it as a family, with Leo and mom and Hotaru… and now he’s gone. That hit me bad and I was super sad, which eventually became a trigger. I still had insane fun decorating the tree with Hotaru and Michiru (mom was too exhausted and left after dinner).

I was still shaken when I woke up this morning, so I just sat on the couch for a while, feeling the slightest thing would cause me another anxiety attack. Looking for a possible solution, I sunbathed at the balcony for a few minutes, thinking perhaps day light would help. They say people in countries with little sunlight are more likely to get depressed so, perhaps, the opposite was true and the light would cheer me up.

It kinda did, so Hotaru and I packed some snacks and headed for the park for a picnic. We spent the entire day at the park. It was quiet and just what I needed. We laid our plastic on the grass and took out my book and her art supplies. I tried to read while she painted some Disney princesses, but she would talk all the time so I gave up. Instead, I lay on my back using the book as a pillow and stared at the sky. Looking at the clouds roll by slowly and the tree canopies dancing in the breeze was just what I needed. It recharged my batteries completely.

When I was a bit more recovered and Hotaru was done with both her lunch and her coloring, we switched to Japanese. I taught her Koko/Soko/Asoko and we practiced her long objects counter (ippon, nihon, sanbon…) and even made a video of her counting her color pencils. We also practiced all the body parts she already knows and added a few new ones to expand her horizons.

After that, we drew fruits and veggies and wrote their names in Hiragana, then we played Shiritori on our way home. It was such a great day that at the park that the dread was completely forgotten by the time we got home (it was like 8pm by then!).

Hotaru took a nap while I made dinner, then I took a nap while the kid was on the phone with Chibi Usa, talking about their Christmas Trees and My Little Pony. When she hung up, we worked on a birthday card for Michiru. She’s turning thirty on Friday ^^

After that, Hotaru and I tried to bake gluten free Christmas Bread for Chibi Usa and Odango Atama, but it was an epic fail… well… not so much. It turned out to be a really yummy pudding. But it certainly doesn’t look like any sort of bread. Gluten free cooking is SOOOOOO frustrating. I’ve always been a very intuitive cook. I can whisk together a few ingredients in eye measured proportions and always have a delicious result that looks and tastes exactly as planned…

Well, looks like my ability to measure things and guess how the different proportions affect the final result has A LOT to do with gluten and how it chemically and physically affects dough and batter… Which is very frustrating. I love cooking intuitively as much as I hate following recipes. Seriously. I can’t follow a recipe to save my life. I. NEED. TO. REBEL. Always have and always will. This only means I’ll have to experiment with gluten free flour a lot more.

After our failed baking (which was a good opportunity to teach the kid how to fail and not care about it), Hotaru and I listened to an old bedtime stories collection I used to play before bedtime as a kid. My mom worked a lot so she seldom had the time for bedtime stories. Instead, she bought me a set of books that came with cassette tapes, where a man and a woman took turns reading the stories out loud.

Hotaru absolutely loved them. Especially the ones about Gobolino, the witch’s cat. I used to love his stories. They were my very favorite from all the recorded stories. I read a couple of them to her myself, but my throat has been sore this week so I apologized and kept playing the recordings instead. She was very understanding. I still recited some parts of the story over the cassette, because they were my favorite and it was very nostalgic.

The kid drew a kitty flying on a broom and wrote Gobolino under it and said those stories were her favorite and then made a tiny heart with her hands. We also listened to Rapunzel, The Beauty and the Beast, The Shoe Maker and the Elves and another couple of stories. We spent like two hours listening to those old stories. It was so wonderful to hear them again and share them with the kid ❤ ❤ ❤

Oh, I forgot to mention this but, as we worked on the Christmas Bread, Hotaru and I were singing an old nursery rhyme about a girl who wants to get married. At one point, Hotaru stopped and looked at me with a smug smile. Then, she said “I know whom you want to get married to.” “Who?” I asked. And she said: “Michiru.”

I was mildly surprised, because this is not the first time that she brings this up.

“What makes you think that?” I asked.

“Well, you’re Haruka-papa and if you married her, then she’d be Michiru-mama for real and I’d have two mothers.” She said with a huge grin. I was two inches away from pinching myself. It felt so surreal. I keep on thinking that kids would hate to have two mothers or fathers because other people might bully them… or that no kid wants their parent to get married to someone else, even though I know that Hotaru loves Michiru and that she is ok with gay people.

“Wouldn’t you hate that?” I asked. “Having two mothers.”

Hotaru looked at me like I was a two headed alien and said: “No. Why would I? I adore Michiru and she’s polite and fun.”

“Even though she keeps on telling you off whenever you misbehave or forget to brush your teeth?” I asked.

Hotaru snorted. “Of course!” The kid can be sassy sometimes. I usually discourage it but I secretly love it when she gives me a little attitude, as long as it’s a harmless situation like this.

“And you’re sure you don’t mind us being gay?”

She rolled her eyes and pointed at me with a batter coated spoon.

“I LOVE you guys being gay!” Hotaru said with a grin, as she jumped up (I was starting to fear she’d spill the batter at this point). “Because that way I can have two moms and you’ll both love me.” She said. Not that we don’t love her currently, mind you. “Wouldn’t you like to marry Michiru?” She asked with a worried frown.

I was out of words for a moment. I knew the answer, but I didn’t know whether it was the time to talk about that. Then again, I felt it was and I’d rather go with the flow and follow my intuition than thinking things over like a pragmatic person. When I try to be someone I’m not, it often ends in disaster.

“Yes. I’m kind of in love with her.” I confessed. She gasped in a Fluffle Puff impersonation and jumped up and down in elation again (so I took the batter bowl from her hands and placed it on the counter).

“Then you DEFINITELY must marry her!”

“Eventually… but, are you sure you wouldn’t mind her moving in with us? Because if I married her, she’d have to move in here.” I explained.

Hotaru snorted again.

“Of course I don’t mind. I love having Michiru around. I adore her!”

“Why?”

“Because she’s the best and she can turn into a dog!” (that’s an inside joke I don’t feel like explaining right now but it was cute of her to bring it up).

“All right.” I said. “I’ll probably ask her to marry me… in time. But I want you to know that if you ever feel she does or says something that upsets you or whatever, you come straight to me. You’re my daughter before anything else and you’ll always come first.” I promised and she gave me a bear hug.

I showed her the engagement ring and had her swear to keep the secret until I decided it was the right time to propose. She was beyond excited and gasped when she saw it, then whispered “it’s beautiful…”

Then she refocused on the batter and that was that but I think it was very sweet. She’s the sweetest. If I were to read this I’d think someone was writing a very boring piece of fiction where all the Mary Sues act just as one would dream they would… Looks like I’m doing something right raising this kid. Not only she doesn’t ask me to buy her stuff whenever we go out, but she’s also pro gay marriage and gets along wonderfully with my girlfriend. I’m so lucky to have this great people in my life.

Mom has been super supportive to me, too. Not only in general, but today in particular. We had a long talk over the phone about my panic attack. My aunt was just as supportive and kept me company through whatsapp when I needed it.

Oh, another funny thing that happened today… I confessed to mom that I’m absolutely clueless as to what to get Michiru for her birthday… and she gave me a few suggestions! It was positively surreal. I mean, my mom, who didn’t want to hear anything about me being gay had Michiru and us over for lunch last weekend and now she not only gives me birthday present ideas, but she even said that we should bring Michiru along with us when we take the architect over to the new house so he can help us plan the remodeling… I was like WOW. And, the other day, when I talked to her about Michiru moving in, she said that life was meant to be enjoyed and that she’s happy I’m getting a chance to do the things I’ve always dreamed of. ❤ Man, I love my mom ❤

Also wrote to my therapist. She will get back to work next week but after hearing of how anxious I’ve been lately, she suggested I started on clonazepam again. I was completely against it so she said she wanted me to talk with a psychiatrist to have her decide whether or not I should go back on those meds. I agreed but I plan on making it crystal clear that I don’t have the slight intention on taking any meds. Four years was more than enough for a lifetime. I’m not going back to being a zombie.

I also couched Phillip’s mom Grace through the process of buying a Pokemon game from the Nintendo 3DS console… through Whatsapp! I had to send the poor woman a bunch of screencaps and even then I’m not sure she managed to make the purchase.

Health update: I really need to get my wisdom tooth removed. It hurts often. I dislocated my jaw somehow (probably trying to avoid using my wisdom tooth), which has made eating extremely painful in the last few days. It seems I’ve sprained my ankle at the park so yeah… I’m a mess.

 

Numenera RP and politics…

The guys came over to play Numenera today. The original idea was to play VtM but, honestly, I didn’t have the time or mood to write the next part of the adventure with everything that’s been going on in my life lately. They were super understanding, though.

My mom took Hotaru to the eye Dr’s office for a check up and then they went shopping while we played. It sounds like they had fun. The only problem is the doctor said she is not to go to school for another week and has to keep applying her eye drops every eight hours now. It’s been a tough week for the two of us.

She wants to go out and do stuff, go to school and meet her friends and I need my quiet time (those three golden hours when she’s at school and I can just relax without anyone talking to me nonstop). So I’ve been irritable and she’s been frustrated which makes for a very frustrating combination.

We’ve been playing Animal Jam every night which is the moment where we somehow forget all this and get along. I don’t like not getting along with her but she talks too much and I need peace and quiet to get over the shock from what happened with Dr. Tomoe’s mom. I know that was eons ago, but I’m still feeling bad about it. It’s still hard to go outside and I keep thinking someone will jump on me at every turn, which isn’t fun.

Michiru came over after her class was over and a HORRIBLY heated debate about politics arose between her, Fran and I. Franco voiced an opinion every now and then and so did Agus, but Fran, Michiru and I were the ones getting worked up. We got so carried away we all ended up yelling at each other. It was AWFUL and I hated everything and everyone, because I LOATHE POLITICS, especially discussing them. I hate the way they make people jump at each other’s throats and it’s not like discussing it over coffee will change a thing anyway, so it’s just a toxic waste of time that makes personal an argument that should have never existed.

Family dinners had always been plagued by this since I was a kid and I hate those debates more every day. I really disliked the way Michiru and I talked or rather yelled at each other and I was in such a foul mood I dashed out of the house with the excuse of buying some grated cheese to bake cheesy puffs for the guys.

Luckily, the debate was over by the time I came back and then, we were finally able to start our Numenera RP (Franco was GM) while Michiru and Hotaru played in her room.

I had fun playing Numenera, but the bad taste of that debate didn’t go away.

Stalker Grandma

Today was a horrible day. Dr. Tomoe’s mother was waiting outide the builfing when Hotaru and I left for school. She followed us for three blocks before revealing herself. I ran to the nearest taxi and hopped in with the little firefly. Dropped her at school and then, as I was about to go home, the woman blocked my way and said she wouldn’t let me through unless I talked to her. It was super aggressive and she grabbed me by the elbows and shook me. I tried to free myself and she started to yell that I was hitting her.

We almost got into a fist fight. I ran inside the school and called the police while explaining the situation to the headmistress. She convinced her to go away and was gone by the time the police arrived. I had to go to the police station to make a statement.

Mom picked Hotaru from school and then we met at a Café for juice and a panini. Michiru came by later but I was so stressed I just couldn’t relax all night. It was lucky she was super busy working on an essay she and her work group had to send via email before midnight because I really couldn’t pay any attention to her.

I had a huge panic attack because of that violent incident. Won’t ve blogging for a while. I’m too much of an emotional mess to be functional.

On a brighter note, Hotaru said she gave us her permission to get married. I called Michiru “love” and Hotaru said we weren’t married, so we shouldn’t call each other that. And we explained to her that people don’t need to get married before calling one another pet names. So she said she wouldn’t mind if we did get married because “love is love.” Michiru blushed furiously and I was too shocked to react and too embarrassed to hold her gaze.

VtM: epic fail

Michiru left earlier than usual today, around noon, so I could prepare for the roleplaying session. I tidied up and had Hotaru take her toys back to her room, as they were all over the living room. Then we played Animal Jam for a little while until the guys came.

They arrived in reverse order. Fran was the last one and Franco got here first. It was a tad awkward, as I’m more used to talking to Fran alone because we have a ton of things in common and often chat for hours at a time. I wouldn’t know what to talk to Franco about for more than half an hour. Luckily, Agus arrived just a few minutes later. Fran was super late because of a lady, which allowed me to reread my notes and the guys to start working on Agus’s character for our upcoming Numenera chronicle that Franco will be directing.

The adventure was decent. Not at all mind blowing like I was expecting and certainly not up to the super high bar that I set last time we played VtM, but it was to be expected. Last time it was a critical hit on my part and now I just can’t repeat it because I’m not skilled enough.

Still, we had little time to play (roughly 6 hours which turned out to be like 4 and a half of real play), so I focused on getting them past the introduction and up to the point where things would start getting better. That left me with a few ideas on where to take the adventure next and enough time to figure out more obstacles for them to overcome, perhaps another mission inside the game to pass the time until they can get to the next big event… that I haven’t even pictured yet.

It’s a mess. I know, but my creativity was depleted by all that Lex & Gypsy writing I’ve been doing lately. My mind is dry. xD Who knows when I’ll be able to create again. I would feel discouraged, but I’m too exhausted to think and my body is sore.

The guys left at seven because Franco’s friend needed him to drive her to the airport or bus terminal or whatever and Hotaru and I had arranged to meet my aunt and dad and Sandra and Ruben for dinner. We played Animal Jam for a while after the guys left and I reactivated my old PopMundo account because I had been telling Michiru all about it earlier and got hooked up on my own sales speech LOL. She wasn’t interested, though.

Then we took a cab to my aunt’s and spent some quality time alone with her as her husband is still on a business trip. I admire her courage to stay alone these past few nights. She wasn’t able to the last time he was out of town and now she says she’s even enjoying it some nights. I’m proud of the progress she has made, when I thought she wouldn’t be able to get there in this lifetime. ❤

It took me a long time to warm up after that cold cold taxi ride. I had to spend the best part of an hour directly in front of the heater and I could tell that I’m definitely coming down with something. This sore throat is not due to narrating all afternoon and the chills… anyway, it felt like tomorrow will be a bad day health wise but I tried to focus on the here and now.

Then the rest of the family got there and we had lots of fun, as usual and got home super late considering tomorrow is Monday, but it was worth it. I was able to relax and eat well which is something that doesn’t always happens either at home or at her place lately.

All in all it was a good day though I was ready to go to bed by seven pm LOL That’s all proof anyone needs that I’m not feeling well.

Sailor Dance Team Rehearsal

Today was the Sailor Dance Team’s first rehearsal. I didn’t know who would be there and I mostly didn’t know any of the girls, though most of the inners were busy and didn’t make it. Hotaru came with me and spent the afternoon catching pokemon and looking at a Harry Potter monsters and creatures art book the girl playing Ami had and comparing her Sailor Moon chibi model kits with Ami’s.

It was unorganized, unprofessional and highly stressful for me. Some of the girls had VERY different backgrounds and education and I sometimes don’t know how to interact with people less blessed than us in any way you can possibly think of.

The weather was SUPER cold. Temperature went down 10° (C) overnight and the glare didn’t help when trying to watch the video and copy the steps. I froze to death and fear I might come down with something as a result (the girl playing Hotaru had a terrible cold).

I got very confused with the steps and they insisted on all of us practicing the inner senshi’s part although half of us will be dancing a the outers part which is slightly different. To make things more complicated, Haruka’s steps are a tad different from everyone’s else as they’re less fluid and more tomboyish yet I was forced to practice with the rest of them.

I didn’t feel a part of the group and things got VERY awkward when they started talking eating disorders and crazy ex boyfriends. Not that I haven’t had my share of both, but still… the way they approached the subjects was we… tacky(?) I don’t mean to insult. I really think they seem like great people. I’m just not used to the way they talk and well I hadn’t realized I had become such a snob somewhere along the way, but I did. Is it too much to ask that they wash their hair more often than once a year? Seriously. It was gross.

This rehearsal felt like an Epic Fail. Still, quitting doesn’t seem appealing just yet. Not only I don’t want to be a quitter, I think dancing might be good for me if done in a warm place. I wish the girls looked more like the characters they’re playing because I feel they’ll embarrass me, but whatever. I need the distraction with everything that’s been going on in my life lately.

Hotaru had a blast talking about Sailor Moon with Ami’s room mate. After that was over, the kid and I went home to wait for Michiru, who was at the park, catching pokemon with her friends. The idea was to join them but the weather was too cold and I just couldn’t feel any of my fingers or toes from all that dancing in that terrace.

We had a quiet yet fun night in and watched a few episodes of Pokemon XY.

Dr. Tomoe: the stuff nightmares are made of

Today was one of the most stressful days I’ve had in the past year. Got up super early to get to my court hearing. I was in such a rush I forgot to remove Lana’s food from within her reach so she could get her blood work this afternoon, so that was a miss.

Then I got there five minutes late and, upon entering the building, I saw someone I recognized through the corner of my eye while the guards where checking my ID. Turns out Dr. Tomoe was leaning on a trash container outside the building and I had walked right past him on my way in. He looked like he was waiting for someone and I was afraid he might have been following me (or worse, that we were supposed to have a hearing together!).

Once inside, I was told to sit in a waiting room and soon had him and his lawyer join me in there. I was hyperventilating BADLY and only manged to look like I was in perfect control of myself and above everyone and everything thanks to the autopilot function in my brain LOL. I was so nervous I looked calm, if that makes any sense to anyone else.

I sent a SOS text message to my mom (who was at the hospital with Leo because he was getting a blood transfusion to counter his low red cell count and what not), which she didn’t reply. Then I was asked to join him inside a private room, where the most incompetent and chauvinistic female (poor excuse of a) shrink I’ve ever met told us to sit down. I had asked her to seat him as far away from him as possible because he honestly frightens the hell out of me.

Then the nightmare began (or rather, continued as even seeing him is torture!). She would ask questions and he would misdirect them with biased scripted answers that were specifically designed by his slutty lawyer to make me look bad by targeting what they must have thought are my weakest points. The woman wasn’t even aware of the restraining order and said it was THAT what was a danger to Hotaru’s mental health rather than having an abusive pedophile for a father… YES! That’s right! Like Dr. Tomoe himself, she blamed ME!

She ate up every lie he told and looked at him with goo goo eyes while she would smirk at me with contempt and disapproval. It was very humiliating to have the two of them gang up on me and she even yelled at me in three different ocassions, one of which was when I was trying to defend my and Hotaru’s rights to stay away from him because of the restraining order. She told me I was no one to tell her how to do her job and that she had been a shrink for so many years yara yara. I was like “whatever but this is illegal, woman!” And well… it was a total mess. I was a nervous wreck, lucky for me I looked as smug as if I had the best card in my power, which must have been super disconcerting for her and Dr. Tomoe, both.

She wanted him to have a private audience with Hotaru for her to evaluate how they relate to one another. I was completely against this until the forensic team could determine whether or not he will be a threat to her in the future and then the woman yelled at me again. It was a nightmare. A total nightmare.

Mom was waiting for me outside when I got out. She had gotten my message eventually and had dashed there, where she had been eavesdropping through a crack in the panels. LOL. She said she was proud of me and the answers I gave and how I stood my ground letting that woman know that I didn’t want them alone together because I wouldn’t allow my daughter to ask me ten years from now why I didn’t protect her knowing the kind of monster he was. I literally told that poor excuse of a shrink that, but she insisted it was I who was in the wrong as women effectively should be confined to bed and kitchen for their male counterparts’ pleasure… or, at least she made that much understood, even if she didn’t SAY so that exact way.

I wasn’t particularly proud of the way I conducted myself, really. Au contraire, I felt like I had let myself down by not reacting in a smarter way (aka, calling my lawyer and telling him I was there in that illegal interview). Turns out they had been trying to reestablish Dr. Tomoe’s relationship with Hotaru through that interview because the other judge didn’t inform this one about the abuse and restraining order… which sucks.

I only learned that later, when mom and I dashed home to take Hotaru to school (she stayed home with Umi san) and then ran into Odango Atama, who told me that was illegal and that I should have called my lawyer the second I saw him. She asked me to call him that instant and I did. He scolded me for not calling him on the spot, which sounded really logic when they said it but, at the time didn’t cross my mind. In my defense, I was paralyzed by fear after he showed up there, completely unable of rational thought. I was in auto pilot!!

However, my Godsent lawyer told me that I was not to worry. He instructed me to stop by his office on Wednesday and sign some papers through which he would render that interview completely illegal and cancel the one that woman wanted to schedule for Hotaru and Mr. Tomoe alone. He swore to me that those statements would never be considered valid in either trial and reassured me that I hadn’t caused any permanent damage to our cause, so that was that.

Then I took Lana to the vet for her follow up appointment and explained the mess with the food. He said I should take her back some other day for the blood test and I will, as soon as everything calms down a notch.

The man said her paws are healing wonderfully, which was great news. I had guessed that much after hearing that Setsuna’s cat Ramses’s took two weeks to heal from similar wounds and seeing that Lana’s paws were completely healed today. It was such a relief to see her walk properly and play with toys. She loves to chase after little balls made of plastic bags ❤ Lana is such a cutie!

I was dying to see Michiru today. I really needed the comfort only a hug can give, but she had been working too much and she’s also working tomorrow, so I decided to toughen up and deal with my own discomfort. Also, I pledged that I would quit taking clonazepam today although I was only taking 1/4 of a 0.5mg tablet a day which is approximately 0.125… which is nothing at all.

Still, having him call me all those names and stupid things that I know aren’t true hurt really bad, not because I care about what he thinks, but because he showed me that he can still sway anyone’s opinion to match his, no matter how qualified in dealing with psychos like him they are. So I wanted to get back at him somehow, and what better way than quitting the meds his perversion had pushed me into needing? It served the double purpose of “vengeance” (even though he would never know lol) and self betterment, which suited me fine.

But that’s not all, the day goes on and on. Tomorrow is Chibi Usa’s birthday but Odango Atama doesn’t have the funds to rent a place and throw her a proper birthday party, not even to invite all their class to their house for quieter fun. Instead, they’re having a family lunch which can feel unfair to a six year old.

With that on mind, I had arranged for Hotaru and Chibi Usa to have a play date today and insisted on not cancelling it in spite of everything. Odango Atama was grateful for it, I guess. Especially because Hotaru and I waited for them at the school entrance after class with a HUGE bucked filled with presents Odango Atama couldn’t afford and wheat free snacks for Chibi Usa to eat.

I think all little girls deserve to have amazing birthdays, so I made balloon animals for the girls (poodles and jumping rats, mostly), organized games for them with the bubble makers I bought them and then had a nice long chat with Odango Atama. I think she needed the break as much as I did. Her problems with Mamoru are as twisted and complicated as mine with Dr. Tomoe.

The girls had a jump competition with their jumping rats and ran after the bubbles, then climbed a tree and drank juice with their snacks. It was fun for everyone and we hope to organize another playdate soon.

At home, exhaustion dawned on me and I felt lonely again. I would have wanted to have my mom here at least but she was in hospital with Leo so yeah… it was just Hotaru and I and the Spanish soap opera I’ve been watching. Luckily for me it was SUPER interesting and that was just what I needed to take my mind off everything that happened today.

Epic Fail: Dream house project

The realter called. The owners didn’t accept our proposal and were thoughtless enough to wait three whole months before giving us an answer… well, technically they said yes right away and then tried to raise the price by US$ 10.000 and then declined our petition that they respected the agreement we had signed. So yeah, they’re a bunch of… uh… I can’t think of a proper insult right now but insert one here.

I’m not in the mood for anything right now. I’ve come up with a solution of sorts but it’s still very iffy. Mom has been insisting Hotaru and I move in with her for over two years now and I’ve always stayed firm on saying no. But if we could get this house… well, it’s big enough for us all to live there until the rented rooms shield enough money for her to add to her part of the house we’re selling and buy her dream apartment rather than just moving wherever until she can save.

It’d definitely be a compromise, but it’d be useful. I mean I could help with Leo and they could help with Hotaru… and we’d all spend less in bills. Win-win-win-win. But mom said I shouldn’t make an offer on any house until this one is sold and we have the actual money in the bank. Thing is there’s a three month wait from the day those papers are signed until we get the money. It turns out that house was built before 1940 so we need a government permit to demolish and the realters want to have that permit before paying for the lot.

Long story short, I won’t have the money to make any kind of offer until September or so. Why? Well with Leo at the hospital, there isn’t many days mom and I can coincide to sign the paperwork and sell the house. I mean, I’m the one who has to sign but I want her there and the other two owners selling their share of the lot have to be there too… Working all those schedules into one single date is Mission Impossible without my step dad being hospitalized.

So yeah, bad day. Michiru has been talking to me a lot today. That kept me going and helped me remain calm when all I wanted was to tear my hair out. I’m blessed to have her in my life ❤

Haven’t told Hotaru any of this because she really doesn’t need to stress.

There’s still a chance they won’t be able to sell the house by the time we have the money in September and we might have another shot at it but it’s a very slim chance and thinking about the whole thing hurts. I’ve been combing the whole market for other similar properties in the area that’s most convenient for all of us (mom, me, Hotaru, Michiru) and they’re either lousy or overpriced or falling apart or don’t have enough rooms to rent or they’re perfect and out of the desired area so yeah… I’m VERY upset.

Easter epic fail

Okay, so Hotaru is allergic to chocolate and banana, which is totally off topic right now. With Easter around the corner it was time for me to step up and get creative. Why? I mean, yes, we’re pagan, but my family on both sides is Christian and they WILL organize a get together (or three) and there WILL be chocolate everywhere like every year.

Hotaru is just five, so I can’t expect her to understand about different religions being the reason she can’t have yummy stuff with everyone, although the kid is really great at declining chocolate and banana. I guess she hates needles more than she loves treats.

Anyway, I tried to make meringue Easter eggs and they were truly abismal, so I tried bunnies next. They looked AMAZING until I baked them (for three eternal hours!). The result? One became a literal pile of pink dust and the other one is the mutant you’re watching. I swear they were fine before baking. For some reason it sagged in some places, bloated in others and crumbled everywhere else so that was a total waste of my time.

Ended up going to bed at 6am and couldn’t sleep trying to find a way around this so she can have treats with a surprise inside like everyone else without the chocolate. One would believe they’d sell a substitute for those who can’t eat chocolate. One would be wrong.

Anyway, mom came up with a brilliant idea. Using the egg molds as a container filled with treats and toys and then wrap it up fancy. Then she dumped the job on me, so we’ll see what I come up with when working with the actual mats, because they’re at her place. I’m supposed to get there early on Sunday and do that.

PS: the mutant bunnies were delicious =P