Michiru’s melt down

Quick review because it was an exhausting day.

Picture is from the art exhibit last week. Hotaru told me she got trapped outside her classroom after I left and had to ask the gate keeper to open up the door for her LOL poor child! I’m blaming the headmistress for forcing her to stay behind and guide me through the art exhibit.

Michiru came home after work and since the weather was super lousy, we were both mopping because of the low barometric pressure. Then we opened up a window after the weather composed itself and it was better, but we couldn’t have a nice gyouza dinner because there was no pork. I mean, there was, but it had been in the freezer for months and I threw it out just in case. Better safe than sorry.

I started crafting the several games for the Halloween party. Especially the little spiders for the fish a spider game.

Mom picked up the certificate from the shrink for me because I was such a mess I couldn’t stay functional enough to go there and get it. She told me the dream house has been reserved but there’s been other reserves before and none became final. I still got SUPER upset over it and vented loudly, which gave Michiru an anxiety attack. I feel terrible about it T_____________T I didn’t mean to.

She had been kinda iffy since last night for no apparent reason and me being upset kind of set it off. I calmed her down and we talked about her lack of aspirations in life and the crazy things she did in her youth after high school. She said that it was good in the long run, that it helped her get rid of the pressure building up inside her for years but I still hated to see her crying. I felt so helpless to make it better. I really hope it doesn’t happen again.

On the bright side, Ami came around and is starting to see things under a better light. She no longer wants to kill herself. That’s a relief! Both for her sake and for Michiru’s. I don’t like the idea of her feeling responsible for someone else’s life in that way. She’s been on the phone with Ami for eight or more hours a day every day this past week and it has completely frayed her nerves. No wonder me getting upset made her explode in a crying fit like that. I know that I should have found a way to calm myself down, but I was SO upset over the dream house, I just vented.

Still, I insist that it was nice to be able to talk like that, to know that we can trust each other enough to show our vulnerable side like that and that we got one another’s back whatever happens.

 

 

 

Bad News in the educational front

The weather was nicer today. Nice enough for me to take Hotaru to school, but not super. I still had to rely heavily on salt to keep functional, but it could have been worse.

After dropping her at school, I had a bit of time to spare before my meeting at Mugen Gakuen, so I agree to go for a short walk with Odango Atama and Serenity. They still pressure me heavily to send Hotaru to Rawson’s school, which is where Chibi Usa will be attending next year. But even though I try my best to decline nicely and stand my ground, it’s getting harder to be polite when they keep at it. I mean, if she can go to our first choice school, why send her to the second choice? Because it’s $2000 cheaper? I understand that they can’t afford it, but we can and want what’s best for Hotaru and that’s Mugen Gakuen.

She can still be best friends with Chibi Usa, like I was with Paula when we were young, despite going to different schools and living several miles apart. But having teachers and friends who understand her when she speaks in English and/or Japanese and who share her culture is something no sum of money can buy. Besides, she WANTS to go to the Inifinite Academy. The only way she doesn’t go there will be if they don’t accept her…

And talking about that, there’s some bad news in that front. It appears the mail I got from Mugen Gakuen meant they want to interview me and then her to see if she’ll fit well in there rather than the kid having a seat there granted. I learned that today at the meeting and it upset me greatly. I had an interview with the school’s psychologist who asked me a bunch of weird questions like at what age Hotaru started to walk, was potty trained and quit the nookie. I mean, the kid is six and already speaks three languages, I assure you her development can’t be measured by normal standards.

I told her all about her Japanese and showed her the videos I had prepared and told her other stuff like the crafts we make together and her interest in math… her teaching herself to write and read and a ton other things that I hope will help her get in.

The interview went as well as humanly possible but I was still very upset about her not having a spot secured yet while her friend Lulu does although her mother wrinkles her nose every time someone mentions that they study Japanese in that school. It’s utterly unfair, really and I had a day long anxiety attack because of that. I just couldn’t relax!

Not until Michiru came home at night that is. Then, she told me that her friend Ami is super depressed over something that happened to her recently and says she wants to kill herself. That made me forget all about my problems and focus on how we can help Ami feel better. I’ve been there, so I know it’s very hard to recover, but I trust she’ll find a way with a little help from Michiru and her other friends. She has to. Michiru was super upset about all this and I am worried about her. I don’t want her feeling responsible for whatever outcome this has. So, I’m determined to help however I can.

Back to Odango Atama, I forgot to say that Serenity insisted my mother employed Usagi when she learned that my mom has a hostel. She does all the washing and cleaning almost single handed because she can’t afford to hire help and then they come and assume my mom is rich or something and demand a job… it was SO enraging… but I do understand their situation, their desperation and that’s why I was patient and polite and explained all this. Still, it was rude of them and I didn’t like it one bit, even if I understand their situation.

Had to talk on the phone with my mom several times today so she could calm me down, because I was shaking because of this Mugen Gakuen situation. I fear Hotaru will get super upset if she doesn’t get into the Infinite Academy this year. Plus, the idea of her going to this crappy school another year tortures me. Mom and dad (and Michiru) and my aunt all concur that there’s still a chance Hotaru might get into the school, otherwise they wouldn’t be interviewing me, right? They want to meet her next Thursday and I don’t know how to keep calm and carry on until then… or, more precisely, until I get a YES from that school, be it this year or the next one.

I did tell Hotaru the bad news that they still have to see if they like her before promising she can study there, but I told her that I’ve done all I could and that if she doesn’t get in this year, she most definitely will the next one. That seemed to reassure her more than it did me, to be honest.

We worked on a Fluffle Puff faux vitral to distract ourselves from this setback. It turned out great. Oh and I printed a couple of Hiragana posters for Hotaru. One for her room and the other one for us to use while studying and she absolutely loved them. She sang the hiragana song nonstop and was thrilled with the pictures that came with the letters.

Art Exhibition 2016

Yesteday was Hotaru’s art exhibition but I couldn’t go because my blood pressure was all over the floor so she had to miss school because I was unable to crawl there to drop her off and there was no one else who could. It was sad but that’s my reality right now. I can’t wait for my blood test so they can give me meds for my under active thyroid gland and life can get back to normal at last. This is getting old. I’m no plant to have weather rule over m life. I want to feel well and be able to exercise again without fainting alla Jean Grey all the time.

Still, I managed to see the art exhibit today. Hotaru was so thrilled to go back to school she didn’t want to stay behind and explain every project to me as I kindly told the headmistress, who didn’t give a rats’s butt and forced her to anyway. I told her she was free to join her friends as soon as the headmistress left us alone and then I toured the gallery on my own while she played with the other girls in the yard.

I didn’t feel well today so I binge watched The Tudors in an attempt to pass the time while waiting for the weather to improve. Perhaps tomorrow…

Hotaru and I played Yaoya and went through her kanji flash cards before bed time which is something we love to do every night curled up in the sofa. It was fun but I was absolutely crushed by the weather so my mind was half elsewhere.

On the bright side, Hotaru already knows how to say 200円 and 300円 among other things and understands the counter for tubes though she can’t quite say them on her own yet, but it’s still progress.

Project: Faux Vitral

Hotaru and I finished the Peacock faux vitral today. The idea was to paint the background as well, but Umi-san (the cleaning lady), threw away our mats before we were done with them so yeah… It still looks great, doesn’t it?

We hung it on Hotaru’s window so the sun light makes it shine in the morning. I hope that reminds her everyday of how much I love her and all the fun we have together crafting, watching shows and playing video games.

The kid is doing a lot better today. She can breathe almost normally and coughed justa little. I’ve been pestering her to use her inhaler right and hold her breathe for the right amount of time. It has paid off, it seems. She still has a stuffy nose, which worries me a bit, but as long as it doesn’t get worse.

Michiru came by after work. Hotaru had been asking for her all day, every fifteen minutes or so. They played that kitty game in the tablet and chatted while I worked on dinner and worried over Mr. LeFish, who was super hyper until he wasn’t and then he just sat on the bottom of the tank. I don’t want him to get sick and die, because Hotaru has had enough loss for a long time.

She asked me about her father this afternoon. Said he could move the fish tank when he came back so I didn’t have to and I had to explain that he wasn’t coming back because he’s having problems with the law, that he’s a dangerous person although he doesn’t seem like one and that he might hurt her so I’m trying my best to protect her. I’m not sure she understood or paid attention to me because, the second I was done saying the last word on the subject, she immediately changed subjects and started to sing.

Guess she didn’t want to hear that. Who would? And it breaks my heart having to tell her so, but it’s best that she has SOME notion of what’s going on, even though she can’t know the gorey details yet. It’s best than her knowing she can’t see him but ignoring why. At last this way she won’t keep asking why and hoping it will happen. She’ll know what to expect and start wrapping her mind around the fact that he’s a dangerous man and that this is all for her sake.

Under different circumstances, it would be easier to just tell her that he’s dead or something, but with all this legal things and interviews the two of us have to go to, she needs some kind of explanation, I guess. Besides, it’s easier to process things if we understand them, right? I can’t explain it all to her, but perhaps, if she had this little bit of extra information, she’ll be able to understand better and process the whole situation in a healthier way.

This is why I was SO worried about the fish. Hotaru doesn’t need any more loss. I hope Leo beats the hell out of cancer as well. It’s her favorite grandpa and I fear she’ll be absolutely heartbroken if he dies. Besides, he’s one of the best men I’ve ever known and I love him like a father. I need him to be all right. Mom needs him, his children need him.

Also, on health: my bottom is not getting better. If anything, it’s getting worse. I don’t want to go see a Dr. There’s enough on my plate as it is.

To take my mind off everything, I’ve been working on my very very old writing project about a young man who has to go back home and take his place at the family business (running the family lands). It’s weird and hard to explain, but I don’t have a title for it yet, so it’ll have to suffice.

Crafty Friday

Mom went back to work today so I was on my own. I had to lay down with my feet up several times today to keep my blood pressure at a reasonable level in order to get through my day. It crashed down after I dropped Hotaru at school. By the time it was normal again, I had to pick her up, which brought it back down… and I had to lay down some more.

Hotaru and I started a Faux Vitral project today, as her school mates made their own while she was absent. They used translucent colored paper to make a shabby looking collage but I decided to take it a step further and suggested we used clear glue and acrylic paint for ours. It will look a lot neater and more realistic and then she can hang it on her window. It will be super cool to see colorful sunshine coming through in the morning.

The kid and I decided to make two different designs. One with a peacock and the other one with Fluffle Puff and Chrysalis. They’re nowhere near ready but the project is slowly advancing.

Hotaru misbehaved on our way home from school. She almost crossed the street when she wasn’t supposed to AGAIN, so I grounded her for today. We sang karaoke and recorded another couple of videos for her youtube channel. One of them is us singing Eternal Eternity. In my defense, it was all Hotaru’s idea.

Michiru dropped by after work. She was very overtired and fell asleep early on the sofa while Hotaru and I kept on working on our vitral. I transferred her to my bed after Hotaru was asleep in her own, after hearing me read Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban to her.

More Wacom fun

This is how I take this whole trial thing off my mind.

Spring Cleaning

Mom dropped by after breakfast today. She’s making the most of her week off, I guess. We chatted while doing laundry and prepared Hotaru’s bento for school. Then I went to drop the kid at school and she went back home, promising to come back later to help me with the spring cleaning.

Odango Atama called me as I was about to eat lunch and we spent an hour on the phone, probably more. She told me the many ways Dr. Tomoe and his family could try to make things difficult for me and how to avoid or counter those moves. She’s been there before with Mamoru, so she has lots of experience and wanted to make sure I didn’t go through the same. That’s so sweet and typical Usagi.

She also informed me on the paperwork needed to make sure Dr. Tomoe can’t steal from Hotaru’s fund anymore. I need her ID for that, but I’ll try to get it the day after tomorrow, since Hotaru and I will be out running errands anyway. She needs to come with me to this place so they can get her signature and fingerprint, which is insane. I mean, she’s only six! But this is the new policy so blah.

I ran into Lolo’s mom at school. We agreed to organize this year’s Halloween party together. She’ll host it on her building’s rec room and I’ll help with the food and decoration. Andrea (that’s her name) thinks we should hire entertainers. I think there’s no need for that if we get creative and I’ve organized some pretty damn amazing games and activities in the past, but she insisted. I gave in, though. I think it’s time I let things go and care (and worry) less about everything.

Hotaru will be SO excited when she hears about the Halloween party. A couple other parents didn’t want to join the committee, because they say it’s a foreign celebration, that’s not even a holiday and it’s unsuitable for children. Whatever. I think any excuse to throw a party is great and our kids will only be young once. What’s the harm in some crazy fun once a year? Next year they’ll be learning to write and read and bring homework home… life won’t be this sweet again. Well, it’s their loss.

Odango Atama and Chibi Usa walked with us today. I had to take Hotaru to therapy with Miss Helga, so they escorted us up until the park. Then they had to go home to change the lock for Queen Serenity, as it was faulty, but Chibi Usa didn’t want to leave the park. She threw a tantrum that Odango Atama didn’t know how to handle, so I did. I think she’s starting to pick some discipline cues from me, though. Noticed that yesterday.

Usagi thinks I should be more feminine, wear tighter clothes and put on make up. I tried to explain… but she didn’t understand. Said people would look down on me. As if they didn’t have a dozen other reasons to do that anyway! I understand her heart was in the right place and I appreciate the feeling, but I really love being who I am and wouldn’t change myself back into a girly girl for a million dollars.

A part of me was hurt she kept on pushing no matter how much I tried to make her understand. I do know she’s from a small town where fitting in and what others think of you matter, but even there, I’d still go for being myself. Uncensored. Like I said, I appreciate the feeling and perhaps, she’ll come around in time, see the advantages of living on a big city. I mean, she’s been here less than a year. It’s only logical she’d still have a small town mentality.

Keep forgetting Odango Atama is from Tandil because she’s an art teacher, a personal trainer and for some reason knows how to fire a gun. She’s promised to teach me how to shoot if I teach her archery. This is going to be a very interesting summer and there’s so much I want to do! I’ve never had a chance to spend a summer with Michiru before. Back in high school, our families kept us apart with holidays and other stuff and last year we had that misunderstanding during the winter… Looking forward to summer. It used to be my favorite season as a kid.

I took the nicest nap at Miss Helga’s waiting room. LOL I took the 3DS with me but catching up on sleep was more important, it seems. Miss Helga wants to have an interview with me next week  (Thursday) so she can bring me up to date on Hotaru’s progress. She’s absolutely infatuated with the kid, so hopefully, it’ll be good news. She did say the little firefly was particularly well behaved today. I wonder why.

Then we bought milk and juice on our way home. The walk was very nice and, by the time I got here, I felt ready for bed. Mom arrived a few minutes later and we tackled the gargantuan task of sorting through Hotaru’s clothes and toys. There was SO MUCH that doesn’t fit or hasn’t gotten attention from her anymore, whatever charity gets those bags will be lucky. Mom wanted to just tidy up as quickly as possible, but I insisted we were thorough.

I went through every single basket and pile of toys and sorted everything into piles on Hotaru’s bed by cathegories. Shopkins, Littlest Pet Shops, LalaLoopsies, My Little Ponies, and a VERY long etcetera. Then, I placed everything on its designated drawer or plastic container (after mom had rinsed them with lysol) and she put them on Hotaru’s doll house, since she has made it very clear that dolls don’t hold her attention for long.

It took longer than we expected, but it was well worth it. Hotaru’s room does look like a proper little girl’s dormitory now rather than a sty. And everything is at hand, especially the things she uses the most. I wanted to take a picture but, by the time we were done with it, I only had enough spare energy to crawl to the bathroom and take a quick shower. After that, I was on auto pilot. Yet, I managed to get a lot more done.

Mom and I did another batch of laundry, changed Hotaru’s sheets, and then I got dinner started right before she left. Then the kid and I watched an episode of Mr. Selfridge (she’s grounded because Chibi Usa and her hid from Odango Atama and I again today after I made it clear yesterday that it was a huge no-no), as she can’t choose what to watch tonight and has to join in on whatever I watch if she wants to.

Then she went to her room to play with her toys while I worked on my fanart some more. I managed to finish Haruka, too. Go me! Michiru has been working on a secret art project for the past two weeks. She says it’s a surprise so I’m not allowed to see it and she won’t even give me a hint, but insists I’m gonna love it. I wonder what she’s drawing. It can’t be one of the beasts for her bestiary illustration book, because she’s never made a fuss over them before.

Hotaru wanted to do a quick craft before bedtime, so we painted with cardboard on a sheet of paper. It was fun, twisting the cardboard pieces and cord into strange shapes before dipping them in paint. They made for the weirdest ponies I’ve ever seen. Still, it was fun. I’ve seen they’ve used that technique before at her school, so the rules were very clear.

Hotaru’s class studied medieval stained glass while she was sick so she missed the only decent craft they did this year, which sucks. Luckily for her, I’ve done some pretty decent stained glass crafts myself when I was in elementary school, so I signed up for the challenge. We’re making our own stained glass projects this week and they’ll be MUCH more elaborated than the ones they did at school, with real paint on the film and an actual motif rather than just glueing colored paper to a translucent plastic. Yes, they can’t even get THAT right at her school… and even medieval folks did!

The idea is to cover Hotaru’s bedroom window glasses with the stained glass, so the light that comes through her window in the morning is all fun and colorful. Also, I’d like to make some crepe paper flowers to decorate the living room. Spring is finally here and I want to celebrate!

 

Doodling with the Wacom

Odango Atama

I was on my way to my Lawyer’s office to sign some papers asking to PLEASE send me a copy of the restraining order against Dr. Tomoe for Hotaru’s school as soon as possible, when I bumped into Odango Atama. She had just dropped Chibi Usa at school as well and we got talking.

Odango Atama and I have been talking all year, but we often focus on our problems and how to solve them rather than our interests. Today we had the most interesting talk about hobbies. We discussed books and literature and it turns out that she loves science fiction the most, just like I do and she has read quite a lot of books, as well.

It turns out that her childish and not too bright look is just that, a look. But she’s quite the intellectual on the inside. She knows a lot about history and art and politics. I even had a hard time following her sometimes. It was surprising and it made me sad somehow. Sad that the other parents don’t realize just how smart she is because she’s got a lower class accent and is so burdened by terrible problems that she had to forget about the fun and nice side of life to survive and help her child thrive as well. It’s heart breaking.

She suggested we moved in together because she can’t get a steady job to pay for the rent on her own. I honestly don’t think that I could thrive under such circumstances because of my phobias and Chibi Usa’s sickness but I really wish there were something I could do to help her out.

I’ve made a mental note to spend more time with her in the future, as she seems like good friend material. She is without cruelty and smart and well read. It’s just a matter of reminding her that it’s ok to relax every once in a while.

The meeting with Mr. Lawyer went ok. I signed the papers and was on my way in no time. We didn’t really talk much. He just said that I should relax and leave the whole thing on his hands. Easier said than done.

Hotaru discovered the joys of Cold Porcelain today. Meaning she got super frustrated by the fact that it doesn’t behave like play dough and the parts she tried to join together with a bit of pressure needed a lot more than that feeble encouragement to become one forever… In the end, she made a Steelix.

Reading… A LOT

Hotaru woke up with a severe case of the pink eye today. Michiru and I suspected that yesterday but it was clear today.

Took her to see the eye doctor in the morning and he prescribed some drops to be applied every six hours unless she’s asleep. He said she’s not allowed to go to school for an entire week and gave me a free sample of a different kind of drops to use on my own eyes should I get the infection from her. When asked why I’d need different drops, he said that adults need different drops than children.

Because of this, Hotaru moved back to her room. She had been sleeping in mine for months because she was sad and had nightmares at night ever since Dr. Tomoe’s mother showed up at her school unannounced for the kid’s birthday. Now that Lana is living with us, Hotaru is happy to go back to her own bed, where Miss Kitty can keep her toes warm at night.

Went to aunt Grace’s for dinner today to say goodbye to Dad and his wife Puli who are going to Easter Island for a week tomorrow.

We got there super early so Hotaru was bored. Aunt Grace brought up her play dough from her home office and all three of us spent some time shaping pokemon. There was a Jigglypuff, an Oddish and a few others as well as a very realistic looking hamburger.

It was insane fun and then everyone else got there and we had a quiet dinner. Dad drove us home and we played Animal Jam before bedtime.

Then I stayed up late reading “Oficio de Búhos” by Liliana Bodoc. I’ve finished it in record time (as usual). It’s the third book I’ve read in the past couple of days. Guess I really need to get my mind off my problems at the time and any hobby will do.

Been watching Call the Nurse as well. It’s amazingly accurate and engaging. Makes me think of my mom and aunt who lived back then. I really love period dramas. The angst was bringing me down a bit, which is exactly why I picked up on reading. Finished the Delirium trilogy and started another book by Canadian writer Lucy Maud Montgomery. Something about a girl named Jane, but I can’t remember the name. Jame of the something. LOL. Honestly, I’ve enjoyed Anne of Green Gables and Emily of New Moon a lot better but I’ve only read like 1/5 of the novel so far, so I’ll wait to pass judgement.